Here We Go Again

I know I already posted today, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to post this quite yet, but I've read through some other ladies blogs... and I just feel I want to post.

Today I had my doctor's appointment. I'm pregnant! I've been suspecting it for 2 weeks now, but didn't want to get my hopes up too high and I was too stubborn to buy a home pregnancy test. Yup, stubborn. They cost about the same as prenatal vitamins, and I think the vitamins are more important right now (smile)!

I've definitely been having some symptoms... for example, I've been really emotional lately, and will cry at the drop of a hat. I've also been eating a lot more than usual, and I don't feel any longing for sweets of any kind. Actually, it's kinda funny, but when I want a snack I'll head toward the cookies, open the container, look at them briefly, close the container and grab some water instead! I'm super thirsty, especially in the mornings! And... I feel something. A presence. Not pain... sometimes I feel something like a stretchy balloon, but mostly, just someone. Funny, especially since according to "the law", that someone isn't even a someone yet, just an embryo that still has 3 1/2 weeks till they officially become a fetus.

My doctor did say I was low on Vitamin D. Apparently I'm at 40 count instead of the normal 75 or higher. Hm, not good. So I right away purchased some 1000IU Vitamin D pills to take along with my prenatal vitamin. I was so amused by the pink color (I only started taking them Sunday, before that I used regular vitamins plus a folic acid pill). I told Chuck "Look, they match my housecoat!". Ha ha.

I feel so very blessed right now. I have been praying for quite some time about my hopes and fears of trying again, of having a baby. I have to say, I am not afraid of miscarriage at all this time, even though my very first died at only 11 or 12 weeks. No, instead I had to deal with wanting desperately to be pregnant one moment, then hoping I wasn't the next. God has talked to me about it, and I'm so happy (see previous posts, Facebook Notes). He has my life all figured out, and it's better than I could ever plan it. It makes me excited, wondering at all the wonderful things He has in store for me.

He's been with me through it all. He guided me through my miscarriage, through not only the emotional loss, but the physical loss as well. He showed me exactly what was happening, told me what I needed to do, when I needed to push, and gave me rest exactly when I needed. He made my body do everything it was supposed to, so that it healed really quickly and went right back to normal within weeks... the fact that I could predict my next cycle within 2 days was amazing. And, He showed me I would be pregnant again. He showed me "January". I didn't think much of it, thought it was more of just me planning again, but He was right as always. We didn't even "try" over December. But, I knew. I just knew.

I recently re-read Supernatural Childbirth. I've been dealing with fears of labor, and that book has showed me scripture to help me through it. I just need to trust. I just need to remember what God did for me already, and that He is going to be there the whole time.

So, now I have a load of things I want to do (smile), like getting a baby room ready. I still have the crib I bought back in September, and the high chair... but I'm nowhere near ready. I guess that's one of the reasons God gave us 9 months! ;)