101 Update - And Happy New Year!

 Happy New Year to you all!  It's 2024.  How did that happen so fast?  I am still in the Christmas mood and not quite willing to give up my decorations.  Do you take everything down the first week of the new year, or do you wait until after Three Kings day?  Or maybe even later?  One year I kept the tree until almost Valentine's day!  The decorations were down, but I liked the tree and lights.

I realize I haven't done an update on my 101 list in 3 months now.  I haven't really been keeping up with it too much as some new revelations have occurred during that time...

I'm pregnant!

Yup.  Our 8th baby is due in late May.  So I'm not even sure some of these list items will be possible, haha.  We'll see.  

Now, on with the list!

13. Create an Old Fashioned Christmas (more traditional, less ‘stuff’) (DONE December 2023)

Done that this Christmas!  Made the kids their gifts, only one per child.  They pulled tickets and gave gifts to each other as well, and we kept with the pj's and ornament tradition (used squishmallow ornaments and put them with their pjs on Christmas eve, which they thought was fantastic!).  I went back to the old Christmas Bowls this year instead of stockings as that was what my dad grew up with in his more Mennonite home.  We told the Christmas story before presents, which we do each year.  We went to the Christmas Eve service and sang carols before going to look at lights.  It was a wonderful Christmas.  I think simple is good.  I want to continue doing one gift like this.  We have so much stuff in our house already, and they were all so happy with their gifts!

16. Make something we want out of stuff laying around/trash rather than buying. (DONE 7/5)

Finished this one with the Christmas gifts!  We were renovating our office over Christmas as we had purchased a pallet of cabinets at a tent sale for $200, and they had more cabinets than we needed.  So, using that as well as a bunch of scrap wood, I made a play kitchen for the kids.  I also used fresh rags to make a plush Oatchie for my daughter, scrap wood to make shelves for my son, and fabric I had around to make a couple of other plushes for the kids.

25. Fix roof on barn (DONE October 2023)

Yes!  This finished in October!  The roof over the robot area was leaking terribly, and we had to hire someone to build a whole new roof over that 'new' area of the barn.  It is only 6 years old.  Disappointing, honestly.  But the new roof looks so nice!  I look forward to being able to decorate when the decking area and fence is finished on the front.

32. Create free to use items in Cricut design space (7/15)

I made 4 more projects that are free to use.  An advent calendar set of boxes to fill, a 'Nintendo Light-switch', a funny joke sign for the bathroom in the barn, and Mario block bins.

42. Read entire Bible in a year (66/66 books COMPLETE December 30 2023)

Finished December 30.  The whole Bible in a year!  I'm doing it again this year.

43. Make praying for our leaders a habit (do so each evening for a month at supper)

Started that January first.  Hoping I'll remember.  It isn't easy for some reason.

55. Get back to pre-pregnancy weight and 56. Bring down waist to under 30 inches

These two are going to be tricky to do right now.  Seeing as I'm gaining about a pound a week in pregnancy, and losing weight has been harder and harder after each baby.  I got within 5 lbs of my prepreg weight last time before getting pregnant again.   I'll also need to really work on my diastasis recti.  It is pretty bad right now.  Not sure if I can fix it.

61. Put up shelves for laundry room/table area

I started this!  I have shelves up for the laundry baskets and that has helped immensely.  I have so much more I want to do in there to make the space even nicer.  We'll see when I get to the rest.

62. Build a bunk bed in girls room (DONE December 2023)

We were gifted a free bunk bed!  My husband put it up a week before Christmas and the toddler was moved into the toddler bed.  The crib is disassembled in our bedroom right now.  The toddler will be able to move into the other girls room at any point now as we have mattresses for 4 in there as well!  Fantastic!  I still want to change up the ladder system with stairs between the two.  And eventually make the bunk a wooden one instead of the metal bar one we were gifted, but this is fantastic!

63. Rework office area with new desks and craft storage (Done December 2023)

Like I said earlier, we were working on the office last month.  I love how things are now, even though they are not completely finished.  We have a desktop spanning the entire wall with all 3 computers for school set up.  The open shelves are gone and we have shelves with doors.  I still need to rework a few things, but the main setup is done.  I mostly want to put storage that is open on the walls, like pegboards, or small shelves, things to have some of the supplies in easier reach but not on the countertop.

Moved furniture around

This cabinet was moved to the this side of the window (that took a while).

Took everything off the desks and shelves.

Putting up cabinets.  This is going to be so nice to get everything in hidden storage.

Things are still messy, but we corralled the cords and put in the 'desk' pieces we bought from Ikea to set things up for 3 computers instead of 2.

I created 2 more boxes on top of the craft cabinet which makes things look much nicer.  The one 'desk' table I built out of scraps years ago is in the center of the room for the kids to craft on.  The tool box will be removed from here yet.   I still want to clean up a few more things like the bookshelves and decluttering more of the shelves.  I put a tablecloth on this table and the pencil sharpener, and we've set up all the computers, but I haven't got those pictures on this computer yet.

68. Build a bench for the dining table (Done December 2023)

I didn't exactly build it, but repurposed one that we had in our basement.  I hope to properly recover it by sewing removeable 'sheets' for the top, but for now what I have done is working fabulously.  We finally were able to get the high chair into storage.  

Showing our Christmas bowl setup as well as the gingerbread house we made the 23rd.  No more high chair!

71. Build cute signs for the house/farmyard (2/5) (welcome planter)

I made a funny sign (see above) for the barn bathroom.  I have so many ideas for so many more signs!

So, 27 down, 74 to go.  260 days in... should be done 26!  Lovely!

The Harsh Flow of Time

When life grips you and doesn't let you go, you neglect the things that aren't of vast importance.  And this blog has been one of those things.  I apologize.  I haven't been here since 2018, and it is so strange to see this space again after so long!

Life has hit us hard.  Good things, bad things, all the things.  We've almost lost the farm.  2018 was hard in that way.  My husband's dad became sick and was unable to work on the farm anymore, and my husband has been working extra hard to keep it going.  Summer of 2018 saw a huge heat wave hit the area, and many farms were affected.  Milk decreased, and the animals don't do well, even when you do everything you can to help them.  The bank we were with decided to send someone down in the midst of the heat wave.  He didn't like dad, and had decided we were neglecting our animals (they hold their heads down when hot, and look so sad).  He made an attempt to set the milk board against us.  We were told a number of things by animal welfare that we were to do... all of which we were already doing and had been doing for years except for two things that were not something we could reasonably do in our current barn (I will say, we did end up doing them both, but the one has cost us tens of thousands in repairs over the last 5 years.  Exactly what we said would happen.  We were supposed to be able to build a new barn by now, but the bank lied to us when we signed on 14 years ago).  This guy sent a bad report to the bank which caused them to tell us to pay the mortgage in full right away or they would foreclose on our farm.  We had to sell land, quota, equipment, all to attempt to keep what was ours because one guy (who made it clear in the past that he disliked dad for some reason) wanted to shut us down.  We didn't cave.  Thousands of dollars in lawyer fees later, we were allowed to push the payment of the 7 figure loan for about a year.  I got pregnant during that time, and we had a baby girl, due right around when they wanted the balance.  Thankfully, they allowed another few months, and then because dad was super ill, they pushed it yet again.  We were paying off huge segments of the loan with the sales of land and quota.  Then, at the beginning of the covid19 pandemic, dad died.

I don't even know where to begin when it comes to dealing with the passing of someone close to you.  The kids were devastated.  My oldest son and dad were very close.  My 5th child, Baby Z, the one I mentioned in my last post, was named after my father in law.  In Dad's last weekend, I felt my husband should take Baby Z to visit dad.  I'm so glad he did.  We were blessed to be living next door, and the older kids went to play games and puzzles with mom and dad often (we knew he was dying for months now, so we did what we could to keep the kids from getting sick.  We were told even a cold could kill him).  It was hard.  And then we got the call.  He had asked for my husband.  We knew.  The ambulance was called, he was brought to the hospital, and only one person was allowed in the room with him at a time.  He died alone, when the brothers were switching shifts outside.  

What made things even harder was that this was in the midst of the shutdowns.  No hugs.  No gatherings.  No funerals.  10 people in one place and no more than that.  And my family was 8 people.  No exceptions.  We felt very alone during that time.  No church family, although I am very grateful to the 2 families who came of their own accord and brought us a meal.   Very few people came to the viewing.  The service was one of the first ones they did online, and so there were bugs to work out, but they managed it.  Two of his own children couldn't come because they lived out of province and travel wasn't allowed.  It was really hard on mom.  

I gave hugs anyway.  

Covid really wrecked things for everyone, and our family was no exception.  Some things didn't change much, however we lost many of our support systems.  Lost friends.  Hurtful things said.  Felt abandoned and alone by our church.  Our homeschool group ended due to the regulations.  Our farm was struggling to get by as it is now half the size it was before while still trying to support the huge insurance payments and such from when it was so much larger.  Then there was the storm that destroyed part of the barn in 2021, and while insurance is supposed to cover everything, the last concrete tower silo was unable to be salvaged and the cost to rip it down and replace it and the feed room was more than the 'value' of the tower by insurance, so we had to pay 5 figures out of pocket, which we really didn't have.  The drought brought a huge increase in feed costs, so that they doubled in only a few short months, and we felt like we were drowning once again.  In fact, I'd say we've been barely surviving things this entire time.

March of 2021, I found out I was expecting yet again!  It might sound weird, but I was terrified.  I didn't want to make appointments.  I didn't want to acknowledge it at all.  I was scared of what people would say and think.  I'm not sure why, but I think my hormones and anxiety were in rough shape due to everything over the last few years already.  It took everything in me to even make my first appointment, and with the mask requirement in most places, I stayed home.  It is hard to describe what I felt.  It made no sense.  In order to make myself tell others, I decided to write a parody song to Shania Twain's 'I feel like a woman'.  I did my best to get excited and not worry about what others would say or think, and it actually worked.  I became excited over time about our coming baby!

Pregnancy is always a crazy time for me, and I went a bit crazy renovating the girls shared bedroom.  Built a few things outside, cleaned in the barn office, found project after project to keep my mind and body occupied as my anxiety was through the roof with everything going on.  I feared giving birth.  I feared I would die.  Nightmares plagued me.  Anxiety was terrible.  It was crippling.  I had never experienced it this bad before.  And then, my husband was sick and anxious himself.  On medications.  Problem after problem on the farm.  Dad was gone.  He was the sole decision maker, and there were a number of things he still had to learn.  It was hard.

I went through a 46 hour labor with my last baby, and oh boy... she did not want to turn.  I didn't know when to go to the hospital because my pushing stage with my 6th baby saw my contractions at 5 minutes apart even while pushing.  I had 2 weak contractions and one strong one with my last 3 babies.  It made things very difficult to time.  I actually had an epidural this last time, and almost had issues with that one, too!  I was exhausted as I hadn't slept in days now, could feel that I was fighting the contractions due to exhaustion, and so I asked for one.  The tech said there was a blood clot in the needle and he had to re-administer, and it was likely I would get headaches due to loss of spinal fluid.  Thankfully, I didn't get the headaches.  

Baby still didn't want to come out, and I was afraid I'd need a c-section.  I usually reach pushing stage and baby is here in less than 3 contractions of active pushing, but I lost count with my last baby.  She wouldn't enter the birth canal.  Not at all.  I remember saying 'I can't' out loud, and then prayed that God would do something because I couldn't do this without Him.  Next contraction, the baby entered the birth canal!  The following contraction, she was out!  Turns out, she was not facing the right way.  She came facing my left leg instead of my spine.  However, none of that mattered in the end!  She was here!  And she was beautiful!  All the kids were so excited to meet her, although they had to wait until we came home as there were no visitors allowed in the hospital at all due to the restrictions.  Honestly, though, I kind of liked it being just me, my husband, and our newest baby.  Blessings in all things, and God knew what I needed.  (I did make a video on YouTube of my birth story, but it isn't made public right now.  Not sure I want to publish it publicly yet.  I might need to make a shorter version for that).

Anyway, Baby K is a year old now.  We are planning our 20th anniversary already.  I'm homeschooling 5 kids age kindergarten through 9th grade while attempting to keep the farm going.  I've been learning new things, like making butter, cottage cheese, yogurt, and I even started canning this last fall!  And I've joined the ranks of bird owners, as we got chickens last June, too!  I love having my own fresh eggs each morning!

Life is an adventure!  It is incredible to me just how much things can change over the years.  Time has been hard on us, but we are better for it.  And our family is bigger, and I wouldn't change it for the world!  God knows what is best for our family, and I just pray for His continued guidance in all things.  I need more time with Him, as I feel pulled in so many directions as of late.

How is it possible that my oldest is a young woman already?  How is it possible that I've been married almost 20 years now?  How is it possible that I'm turning 40 this year?  How can it be?  I still don't feel much different than I did when having my first baby almost 15 years ago.  How is it possible?

The flow of time is swift and harsh.  One day, you are young and newly married, then you start having a family and you are a young mom, then you look in the mirror and see an older person than you thought you were looking back at you.  How does this happen?

The saying really is true... Time flies.

1. How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? - Dr. Seuss

Fitness Update

So, I haven't posted the last two weeks of updates.  Mainly because I was discouraged.  June 4 I saw some improvement everywhere except my waist. 

Weight down 1kg
Chest (ribcage) down 1.5 inches
Hips down 3/4 inches
Thigh, no change
Waist up half inch

I had been doing my Turbo Jam and Turbo Sculpt exercises.  I didn't realize that my ab separation would get worse from it.  The Turbo Sculpt is great... lots of squats and lunges and such.  Really works the glutes and brings in a lot more muscle tone.  However, I guess there was too much twisting.  My muscle separation went back to 3-4 finger widths. 

I could cry.

I've stopped doing the exercises that I know would help me with my fat loss because they are no good for my muscle separation.  I hate it.  So, I've been trying to find more things to do to help heal that separation.  I worked at that a bit this week, and tried mostly to walk, as that is supposed to help as well.

June 11 saw this

Weight down 0.4kgs
Chest up 1/2 inch
Hips down 1/2 inch
Thigh no change
Waist down 1 inch

So, somehow, things are still going down.  However my muscle gap hasn't changed.  It is still sitting at 3-4 finger widths.  However, I also figure I'm measuring properly now, and that previously my 'one finger width' wasn't actually that small.  Would explain why it separated again.  It wasn't truly down to 1.  I need to figure out how to bring that muscle back together.  I may even think of getting a proper binding to support and help heal those muscles.

Has anyone else had this before?  I looked into videos of various people talking about their diastasis, however nobody actually showed what it looked like.  I saw pictures showing their bellies and how they look pregnant, but nothing showing what it looks like when you lay down.  What is a shallow and a deep diastasis, and how do they differ?  How do they look in comparison?  How does it look when you are healing? 

Since I haven't really seen progress videos or photos like that, I'm thinking of doing something myself.  Would that help anyone?  Is that something that anyone would even want to see?  Honestly, I cannot even see it for myself (it is my belly after all... and raising my head uses the muscles so they draw together). 

We'll see.  I need to find a time where I can enlist the help of my husband for videoing though, as I'm not sure I can do so myself.

Until next week!  Hopefully my waist will go down further.  I have another inch and a half I want to lose there, and 4kgs to lose to get back to my weight/size prior to pregnancy.

Oh, look forward to a Diastisis Recti post on something I discovered recently, and my musings as to how that affected my pregnancies and deliveries.  ;)

Post Partum Tummy Tales

So... I found something out yesterday.  I have diastasis recti.  And not just a little bit.

Now, how did I find this out?  It is no secret that I love to research things.  Well, in my research on Monday, I found out about diastasis recti.  I remember learning about it after having my son almost 5 years ago.  Two weeks after having him, I measured myself and had only one finger width gap.  Well, in my research I read that still looking pregnant after birth can be attributed to this issue.  After dealing with some depression due to looking 6 months pregnant still, I decided to measure myself Tuesday morning. 

I got all four fingers in between mu muscle ridges.  I kind of felt like freaking out!

It all makes sense now.  The huge amount of back pain I was having in my last trimester was probably due to my muscles separating to the point of me having no more core to support it.  And the continued back pain after birth... also due to that same fact as the muscles did not come back together again.  After she was born, I remember getting up (finally) to go to the bathroom, and being hardly able to walk.  I actually had to hold my stomach in with my arms in order to make it over there.  I remembered things feeling weird each time after birth, but this was even stranger than I expected.  And it makes sense. 

10 days after I had baby B, I was in church and an older gentleman came up to me and said 'Oh, you're still pretty big, eh?', to which I replied 'just keeping it roomy in there for the next one', all the while trying not to get too upset.  This last weekend was B's baby dedication (which would be more aptly termed 'parent dedication', but I digress).  After the service, I had an older lady come up to me and sweetly ask when I was due.  I quickly brought her attention to the baby my husband was buckling into the car seat.  I know... I am still pretty big.  My stomach sticks out, I am still in maternity clothes 4 weeks after giving birth (and expect to be for awhile still), and now I don't have a baby in there to 'blame it on'.  Plus, most of the babies born this last year in our church were all first time moms who went back to no bellies within the first couple of weeks.  Yes, I know things will take a lot longer after #4.  But with everything that happens after birth, with all the healing I have to do, and with all the wonders of newborn babies (meaning lack of personal hygiene to a degree), I feel gross.  I do not feel pretty.  I have limited wardrobe, cannot wear jewelry for many reasons (a 2 year old being one of those), and it's all 'shower and go'... sometimes without the shower.  All sorts of women around me are dressed so pretty, smell wonderful with their perfume (I cannot wear perfume as I react to the stuff.  Makes me sad), makeup and hair done nicely, or even these women with beautiful baby bellies (I love pregnant bellies... they are so cute), or those who have lost weight recently and look fantastic, and it's hard to not sit and cry.  I hide in my house more than I'd like to admit, and even girls night is hard for me to go to, although I love it every time I do go. 

I know... it's only skin deep.  I have a beautiful baby to be thankful for (and I am!), and my body went through something huge (ha!  Pardon the pun)!  Power to me!  However, it is still hard.  Even with learning why my stomach is not returning to normal (I was back in most of my usual clothes by 2 weeks post partum after my first), it still bothers me.  And the work I'll have to go through in order to fix these muscles is going to take a long time, and a lot of dedication.

I just wonder if I have the dedication to do it right now?

Currently, I'm sitting here, typing away, watching my middle two children play/fight (I'm not sure which half the time), and my baby napping on the floor (thankfully, far from the action), as I wear my Curves belly band (bought the thing years ago with 'curves points' when I worked out there.  It's supposed to help you 'sweat' away extra pounds on your abdomen.  It is working well as a transverse abdominal muscle helper right now).  I am trying to do my walking exercises daily while sucking in my gut.  I am doing some of the other recommended exercises to reverse the ab separation.  And this is only day two.  With a small separation (two fingers), usually 6 weeks will see some good reversal.  Otherwise, it can take up to a year.  A year.  Of trying to remember to sit up properly, lay down correctly, suck in my gut using my transverse abs, and other small exercises (when I'd rather lay down for a nap or eat whatever item I can find in my fridge because I'm always feeling half starved).  And 4 fingers is pretty severe.

As for the fat comments... I think I am now forever afraid to ask anyone when they are due.

My Birth Story - Three Weeks Later

Baby B is here!  She arrived three weeks ago (big reason as to why I haven't blogged in that time).  I am so thankful she is here, and life just feels right, having her in our family.  I cannot remember what it was like without her now, as strange as that may sound.  Anyway, a few days after arriving home from the hospital, I had a rough draft of my birth story written out, but it was all factual and stuff.  Didn't read well.  I wanted to rewrite it... but took until today to finally do so.  Just a warning, there might be some TMI in here for those who are squeamish about that sort of thing.

Thanks again to everyone who was praying for me!  Your prayers were felt!

And now...

Baby B's Birth Story

“The baby will come today… baby has to come today!  I just know it,” said I for the 5^th day in a row.  It was 13 days past my expected due date, and I had been having false labour for almost that long already.  I did NOT want to be induced, and we all know that at 14 days overdue, induction is pushed.  Thankfully, my doctor hadn’t even suggested it yet, but the way he talked about my next appointment sounded like if I didn’t have the baby by then, we’d be scheduling one.

12:15 rolled around.  I did not expect to make it to my Thursday appointment, and decided beforehand that if I did, I’d get a sweep done.  I was 3cm and 70% effaced now.  Dr K asked me if I knew of natural ways to try to kick start labour, and suggested trying to use a pump.  At this point, I was willing to try it if it meant not needing Pitocin.  I was having false labour again, and decided to time things anyway.  6-7 minutes apart.  Once at home, even though I was tired and really wanted to nap, that seemed virtually impossible with the kids as awake as they were.  Plus, M would be coming home in less than an hour (I tried napping at my mom’s for a bit with no success due to A and these Braxton’s).  So, I pulled out the pump.

Shortly after using it, the contractions went to 5 minutes apart.  When they looked like they might be slowing down, I started another session and immediately they moved to 3 minutes apart… and much stronger.  These did not feel like before.  M had just gotten home.  I was excited… but doubtful.  I picked up the phone.  "Honey, I think labour might be starting, but it is weird… no, I don’t think you need to rush.  Yes, they are 3 minutes apart, but it feels different."  He was inside within 5 minutes.  M heard the ‘L’ word, and all of a sudden the house was full of excitement.  ‘Mom, are you in labour?  Is the baby coming?  YAY!  Let’s get ready to go!  Hurry, baby is coming, I’ll help you’.  At this point, I was praying this was for real as I really did not want to disappoint her and say ‘oops, false alarm’.  After all, you’d think I’d know the difference at this point.  I’ve had 3 kids already!

We dropped the kids off at my parents and headed to the hospital, even though I really wanted to just go for a walk or take a nap… things still didn’t feel like active labour.  We got to the hospital around 5pm. Nurse C checked me, and then asked if I could let the nurse in training check me as well, as I was easy to measure.  However, even when they both said I was 5cm and fully effaced, I was doubtful, mostly due to what happened last time.  She figured I was right on the edge of active labour, once again strange to me as usually when we get to the hospital I’m in full on active labour with the same measurements.  I went from feeling like we’d be holding our baby in about 2 hours, to ‘oh no.  How long will this one take?’  I was able to walk through the contractions with no difficulty, which I found strange.  But I was extremely tired as I hadn’t gotten my usual nap, and so, even though I knew that keeping active would be best, I went to lay down... that's when things got frustrating. 

The contractions moved to 6 minutes apart, and then kept changing from 3, to 6, to 1 or 2 minutes apart… some weaker than others, all the while feeling like false labour with strong contractions this time.  I started asking about an epidural, even though I was afraid it might slow labour, but I wanted to sleep so badly.  They checked me again around 8pm.  Nurse C got a strange look on her face, and then asked to check me during a contraction. I was about 6 cm (she said there was no change before when she checked me).  At this point, knowing my body was exhausted, I was asking for a pause button so I could take a nap and start over.  I was ready to give up… only 1 cm in 3 hours?  Feeling defeated, I went to the washroom.  The epidural tech came in but I didn't know that (she became my nurse, and told me she was the tech after delivery).  They wanted to check me again to see if I could get the epidural, even though it hadn’t been long.  I waddled over to the bed, and then tried to sit.  “Um,” I said as I stood back up, shaking my head.  I could not sit, or lay down.  I stood by the bed, leaning forward through contractions, not knowing what to do, wondering why contractions still felt the way they did, and thinking I must still only be 6, maybe 7 cm.  I was beginning to wonder what would happen if I needed a caesarean, and I remember telling the baby to get into position, “You are coming out TODAY”.  After what felt like a few more minutes, but could have been an hour for all I knew, I forced myself to lie down.  The nurse checked me again.

“Oh!” she said with some surprise in her voice, “you are 9 cm now… maybe more!”  I heard a voice in my head that said 'You've got this'.   But now that I was lying down, I did not want to get back up.  I figured only one more contraction should get me there, anyway.  It didn't. 

At this point, things were crazy… almost surreal.  The contractions were 'ok'.  I could deal with them.  They didn't feel like 9cm, as usually by 7 or 8 I’m asking for the gas or something… anything, to help me cope.  I didn’t want the gas.  At one point, just after a contraction, I looked up at the new nurse in front of me and told her "now the baby is hiccupping.  Seriously… she’s hiccupping!"  Throughout, she had been kicking and moving, and the nurses were having trouble checking her heartbeat. She decided to kick the Doppler a few times, too… just to let them know she was having none of that.  Something else that I found really different from my other deliveries was that during the contractions I could hear what everyone was saying and understand it all.  They whispered, but I still zoned in on it.  I even read the forms they were writing things in as they moved by with them.  ‘So, I went to the bathroom at 8:20pm.  Interesting.  I wonder what time it is now?’  There were always two nurses in the room with me at this point, and they swapped out the equipment they had brought in while I was in the bathroom, to a bunch of other stuff.  I also remember seeing the doctor 'hiding' in the corner sometime shortly after being checked... they must have called him in.

Time doesn’t pass the same when you are in labour.  I had no concept of it.  I only remember things taking much longer than I was expecting to get from ‘almost there’ to ‘pushing’.  I could hear the nurses talking to the doctor, as well as a doctor in training, saying she could hear that my contractions were progressing things by the sound of my voice.  I moaned through all of them, something I did not do with my other babies.  When I felt my body finally start to push, I waited for the gush I had with my previous two babies.  Nothing.  I moved to hands and knees before the next pushing contraction… still no waters.  ‘Wow… that is one strong bag’, I thought, wondering why I wasn’t feeling her descend further.   I heard the doc ask to break my water.  Another contraction passed.  “Will breaking the water make her come sooner?  If it would make things happen faster, yes”.  No crowning after 3 contractions… it was disheartening.  I never even noticed him breaking it, but then they wanted me to lie down again so they could get her heartbeat.  I could feel her move down with the next pushing contraction, but then I felt her move back in after it ended.  I briefly wanted to cry… and then I got angry.

“No!  You are coming OUT!”

The nurse tells me to push really hard to get that baby out.  Another contraction hit and I felt her crowning again.  When it ended, I was asked if I wanted to feel the head.  I wanted to… I really did.  “No,” I said, afraid she'd go back in.  Plus, I was so tired; I just wanted to breathe through this break.  Next push, and her head came out.  The nurse on my right said "one more good push, get the shoulders out".  I waited for the contraction, and then I felt her arrive! 

It was as if knowing that hard work was done gave me renewed energy.  I was so alert when they put her on my chest at 9:44pm.  I saw her bright eyes, vernix covering her back and head (which told me she wasn't nearly as overdue as the date would suggest), and I pulled her a bit further up to see if I could get her to my breast.  I was so happy I felt I could burst!  It took a while before I felt the contraction for the placenta, and felt my body push it out. 

Then it all happened again.

There was a gush and the nurses went crazy.  The lights went on.  Dr. K was asking why I didn't already have an IV, and the nurse told him I had asked not to have it.  I was able to hold the baby for a little while longer (I did my best to ignore everyone else) while they put an IV into one hand, hooked up another in my arm, a pill in my butt, but thankfully no catheter.  The nurses mentioned how easy it was to put the IV in.  The shakes started again as they took the baby to weigh, measure, and clean up, but they were not as bad as with my last birth.  I heard them say she was 8lbs, 4oz, 51cm long (I quickly calculated 20 inches), and her head circumference was 35cm.  They commented on how chunky she was, and wanted to grab the other scale to compare as they figured this one must be wrong.  It wasn't.  My husband said "so, she didn’t actually haemorrhage this time?"  Yes.  Yes I had.  I was happy when they gave the little one back to me.  She immediately started suckling and 'crawling' her way up my chest.  The nurse was so impressed with how active she was, and was calling the other nurse over to watch.  “Look, this is what you call casual nursing!  Years ago they would insist you need to be sitting up to nurse.”  Baby got a good latch with no help from me and fed 40 minutes each side. 

While the nurse was impressed with baby, she was not impressed with my uterus.  It would firm up, and then get 'boggy' again each time they would check it.  They kept checking me all through the night, keeping the one IV on, trying to bring the drip down bit by bit.  I was really thankful when they were able to remove the needles (the one in my arm had actually bent).  My back hurt terribly.  The one nurse figured I likely had some back labour.  "She was moving so much in there, I can imagine your back would be very sore".   I had baby skin to skin all night long, hoping that it would also help.  Baby was content and quiet, just this little 'head' visible around the blanket.  Yeah, that bassinet maybe had her in it for a grand total of 15 minutes the entire time I was at the hospital.

Nurse R came in the next morning after I had my blood test.  “You lost a lot of blood,” she told me.  I asked how much, and she hesitated a bit.  “Well, it was over 1L with everything weighed overnight.”  “Oh… that’s not bad!”  Honestly, I didn’t feel like I’d haemorrhaged.  I had more energy than I was expecting (except for being tired with no sleep).  She said she was surprised by my haemoglobin count.  It was higher than expected, at 111 points, but I was to stay a second night.  By the time I left the hospital (before lunch on Saturday), it was 125.  To put this in perspective, the average levels for pregnancy are 120-160, and my level at 28 weeks was only about 120! 

I feel so relaxed with Baby B.  No stress to figure out what is wrong, she is mostly content when in my arms, and she sleeps ok at night… although for the first couple of nights at home she wouldn’t let me sleep unless I held her in bed.  By the time she was 1 week old, she was back to her birth weight.  We had an issue with the cord stump as it was a bit smelly and then fell off at 6 days due to the clamp being left on and hooking on something, but after about a week, everything was normal again.

I am so thankful for what God did through all this!  We had a prayer chain going, and I could feel it!  I am sore and part of me never wants to give birth again (I wanted so badly to ‘give up’ and sleep), but it was, in all, a good (although wacky) birth.  We are healthy, God answered prayer, and I actually had a natural labour and delivery… no laughing gas necessary!  I feel empowered by that thought… but not enough to want to do it again… at least not for a few years.  ;) 

Thank you, Lord, for all of my children.  And thank you for taking care of me.

 

My last belly pic.  Man, was I huge!

 

 Little baby B, chubby cheeks and all <3 bram="" in="" like="" looks="" much="" p="" picture="" she="" so="" this="">

 

 My oldest two, checking out their newest sister.  And A is sitting with me.  (love!)

 

My girls!

 

Baby B, 3 days old.