I'm Late, I'm Late, For a Very Important Date

Well, no, not really.  But I am so sick and tired of being 5 minutes late for pretty much everything.  And when I know I'll be late and say as much, I'm later still.  Timing on the farm is partly to blame, I know that.  Evening things are almost an impossibility.  I try to steer clear of anything that I'm supposed to be at between 7 and 8pm... which is everything.  Why?  I cannot get there. 

Awana, for example, starts at 7pm.  It took until near the end of the year before we were finally arriving a before 7, and that was likely due to not having ice on the van, or roads, or needing jackets and extra shoes in addition to boots and stuff.  Otherwise we were always 5 minutes late.  Always.  Drove me nuts.  We usually eat supper at 7, and for those days I would make supper for 5:30.  Of course, that means nobody wants to eat (even though I omitted the 4pm snack they were used to having) so they would take forever.  I'd be packing them into their gear by 6:30 (tried for earlier) and then lo and behold 'I have to go potty' or 'I cannot find my bag' (I just got them ready and had them by the door.  I always have them ready by the door.  I'm not sure what possesses my kids to take them and move them to other areas of the house.  BONKERS I tell you), or the baby poops up... again... and we only get into the van at 10 to 7... and it takes 10 minutes to drive.  Sigh.

Here's the thing.  I hate being late.  I find it rude.  So, that means I'm rude, because I'm always late.  I am sick of it.  Doesn't matter if I find I'm consistently 5 minutes late, I'll get up half an hour earlier or make supper half an hour earlier to find that it saved us... get this... two minutes.  Two.  That's it.  We're still late.  The only thing left is to try getting the kids into the van an hour before we need to be somewhere.  I've done it a few times... and guess what.  They get their stuff on and in the van immediately and then we are waiting around for 40 minutes with nothing to do.  And that is NOT something you want to be doing with 4 kids 6 and under.  Nobody wants you to have your kids at their place that early.  Because super early is, in my opinion, as rude as being late.

I've come to the thought process that 5 to 10 minutes early/late isn't a big deal anymore.  Why?  Half the time it's clock difference (I thought I was 10 minutes early for church one day and when seeing the clock saw that I arrived right 'on time' because our clocks were different.  Then there have been times where I thought people would arrive at a certain time only to see that my clocks were now 15minutes fast).  I see it as a grace period of sorts.  I still have a hard time applying it to myself, even though I had no problem applying it to everyone else around me.  5 minutes late?  No big deal!  But  being consistently 5 minutes late myself for just about everything is driving me bonkers.  Bonkers.  I know I need to let it go (and maybe when I do, we'll suddenly be on time for everything... but not likely).

Until then, I will probably be saying no to all the evening invitations we get for everything.  Anything that requires me going by myself without my kids will see similar unless it's ok if I arrive 15-20minutes late (that is always dependant on when my husband comes home because I hardly see the point in packing up all the kids for a babysitter to watch them for 15 minutes or half an hour since EVERYTHING starts at the time my husband usually comes out of the barn).  And honestly, I'm ready to drop everything and say 'screw it, I'm done'.  My reliability meter is in the toilet since I cannot remember things anymore, and even when I write it down, I'll forget to check the calendar some mornings for unknown reasons (I'm usually good with that, except this last month.  Terrible). 

So, I apologize to all my friends for my tardiness.  I apologize for saying we won't be coming to something.  I apologize for not being reliable anymore.  I'm just not.  It isn't you.  I would like to come to so many things to support you (those parties that people have for Tupperware and stuff as an example) because I hate how it feels to invite 30-40 people and have 2 show up with 15 maybes and 5 that cancel last minute.   That is why I come late... because I feel it is better than not coming at all.  If I book a party through you, it is with the knowledge that I will likely not get anywhere with it myself due to aforementioned invitation issues.

I know they say that tardy people are just selfish and rude.  I understand that my tardiness is rude, however I fail to see how it is 'selfish' in every circumstance.  Saying no, for me, is infinitely easier and more selfish that saying 'yes, but I'll be late'.  But hey, we are all selfish by nature.  Ah well.

Super thankful I have nothing to be late for this week.  Last week was truly a bummer.  And a lot of extra laundry (because with babies, 'poop' happens).

Mommy time??

Anybody else ever wonder who they are once becoming a mom?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I love being a mom!  However, becoming a mom not only brought out so much more in me than I knew I had, it also brought a load of responsibilities.  So many responsibilities that I feel I have lost a part of myself somewhere in them.

I hope that doesn't sound selfish, or somehow wrong.  I know that my calling now is as a wife and mom, and this is something I am thankful for.  However... as of late I have been feeling depressed, tired, as though there is little left in me.

Being a mom is hard work.  I never realized how much... my mom made it seem so easy!

Hours upon hours of cleaning, laundry, changing diapers, washing diapers, nursing, cooking, baking, crafting, kissing boo boos, teaching, building forts, wiping noses, telling stories... I could go on.  And at the end of the day, we kiss those little foreheads as they go to sleep, and spend the next hour or so cleaning up and winding down (or in my case, too many hours before going to bed myself, and then I'm drained the next day).  I find it hard to take the time to spend with my Lord anymore, and that is a travesty.  I find that time with my spouse is farther and farther removed as well, which isn't good for our relationship.  And as for hobbies... sigh.  I have so many, and I cannot take the time for any of them (I could find the time, but I'm so tired that I don't wish to... I just don't have the brain power for any of it any more).

So, what do you do?  How do you take time for yourself in among all the responsibilities you have in day to day life?  How do you make sure that they don't overtake you as a person and drain every last bit of life out of you?

I haven't been doing any of my hobbies lately.  Costume making has happened briefly... for the sake of my kids.  Baking is for my kids.  Crafting of any type is with my kids, for their sake.  Anything I look up is based upon something I want to learn to help my kids and my family.  I hardly spend time on myself anymore, unless I'm sick (and even then, it takes everything just to take a nap, and it seems the baby knows when I want to nap because she will refuse to, and when she finally falls asleep, my older two keep coming up to me asking 'is nap time over yet' every two minutes... take Friday.  I was sick... had whatever the kids had Wednesday and Thursday... and while trying to nap they come up to me and ask every couple of minutes if they can play.  I finally say yes, and then they come up asking for a snack, or if I'm done napping (finally fell asleep too... sigh).  Ah well.).

I have been dedicating more and more of my time to trying to save our family money, to making healthy meals that are worth eating (which means more and more time in my kitchen), and to trying to teach my children.  I'm not very good at that.  I don't have the patience.  I want to get my work done, and just be done with it.  However, I cannot do everything anymore.  I am drained.  I am exhausted.  And I am having breakdowns... again... over silly things... again.

What brings me peace?  I need to spend more time with God, and I just find less and less of myself doing so.  It is depressing.  The only thing that can really fill me up is spending time with Him... and yet I feel so far away.  I miss Him.  And I know it isn't Him.  It's me.  But how do I get that closeness back?  Where am I going wrong?

I feel refreshed after the weekend... especially when my husband has time off.  Church refreshes me.  Bible study does as well.  Time with my parents and siblings... talking about God and the things we are learning... I need that.  But then it is back to work, back to the responsibilities... back to life.

Except today...

Now, we don't get long weekends.  My husband was collecting bales today, in addition to his usual work.  However... I was sick.  Very.  I managed to start a load of laundry, and that was it.  My body had enough.  I could barely nurse my baby, or change diapers.  I couldn't eat.  I spent all day on the couch alternating between a hot pack and a cold one.  I actually took Tylenol (the horror, lol).  I am still not feeling great, but I was finally able to help with (and eat) supper, and finish my lone laundry load.

I slept all day.  And somehow, my kids let me!  Even though daddy wasn't in the house much more than making and eating meals would allow.

Needless to say, we missed the fireworks.

Perhaps I can have a soak-in-the-tub-me-time... after the diapers are in the wash.  I can hardly believe I'm still tired after all that.  I guess today was my body's way of telling me enough is enough.  Slow down.  Sleep. 

I hope I'll get a good, healing sleep tonight.

What Was She Thinking?

I decided a few days ago that I really needed to keep a thought journal on what on earth was I thinking... perhaps realizing that I shouldn't do it again, ha ha.  Anyway, here are a few of my 'What Was I Thinking?" moments this last week...

Wednesday - What was I thinking when I decided that dying eggs with the kids was a good idea?  After all, the kit said ages 7+, and I don't have any kids that age!  At least we got to learn what blue and red make, and blue and yellow... and yellow and red... and purple and yellow... etc.  I also had hands a lovely shade of rainbow!

Thursday - What was I thinking, making white cookies with two toddlers with an infant in the house?  Didn't I already realize that the second the hands were filled with cookie dough, the baby would need attention?  And the kids were uninterested the second the batter was made, leaving me to do all the rolling and cutting of cookies myself... although they did want to watch for a short while.  Not sure why they didn't want to help themselves... perhaps the wet sleeves from the attempts of washing their hands after licking the egg beaters may have had something to do with it.

Friday - What was I thinking, decorating those cookies at the gathering just before we were to pray?  I think only half of the cookies got nonpareils on them... the rest just had some quick icing spread on them so they could said to be 'decorated' before they were consumed by the masses!  :)  At least they were good!  I didn't have many to take home (for which I am thankful, those things are addictive).

Saturday - What was I thinking when I decided to give the kids their Easter baskets in the evening... especially since the day and evening was so hectic that it ended up where they got their baskets just before bath time and couldn't even enjoy them (and wanted to eat everything in there... which really wasn't much, but still... they did enjoy the tiny heart white cookies in the plastic egg!  And they are super excited about the giant butterfly/bunny cookie they will be eating later).

Sunday - What was I thinking?  Really?  I missed half the service with the timing of the feedings my daughter wanted (totally messed up from the day before I think, and I wasn't as good at keeping things the way they normally were).  Also, it continued being an issue through the entire day!  Yikes!

Stay tuned for today's episode of 'What was She Thinking'... when I attempt to take a nap, only to get to lie down for 2 minutes to be awoken by screams of hunger... right on cue.  Where did that hour go to?  Oh yeah... cleanup from gatherings, helping my son on the potty, then helping him with his blanket, telling my oldest to go back into bed, then helping my son on the potty again as this time was #2, then another blanket issue, then saying once again to get to bed and stop running around the room... finally silence... only to have a screaming infant.  At least my husband gets some rest.

Hm.  I think my mommy brain has kicked in for good!  Perhaps I should update with these regularly as they seem to happen on a rather regular basis, ha ha.

Do You Ever Wonder

A warning to anyone who is reading... my thoughts are going to be all over the place. This blog post is a bearing of my heart right now. It is something I haven't done in a long time...

Lately, around the holidays I begin to ask myself the same question.  Each year it's the same.  Why do we do this?  What is this all for?  After all, we live and then we die.  Things are nothing more than 'things'.  And things in and of themselves are not important to me... which is possibly why I feel this way each year at this time.

Now, I'm not saying that I don't like making gifts.  On the contrary.  I absolutely love making gifts!  I love crafting and creating special things for the special people in my life!  And there are so many special people in my life that it is hard for myself to limit how many gifts I make!  I had many gifts on the list of 'to do's' for the year that never were made.  At all.  I think I will attempt them for next year (and should start on them now already, no joke).  However, I overwork myself, and begin to wonder what it is all for.  It's my own fault, I guess.  I also find myself wondering about whether what I am making is something the person is really going to like... or if it is good enough.  It really doesn't help me much.

Where the kids are concerned, it is really hard for me.  We do Christmas eve at my inlaws, and they buy so many toys for the kids that it makes me feel like a bad parent for not giving as much as they do. I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, but about the love, the time with family, and the time we spend together and on each other... showing love to each other because of the gift of love that was given that very first Christmas, so long ago.  However, you can't help but feel a responsibility as a parent to make sure you are the one your kids are excited about getting gifts from the most... if you know what I mean?  After all, we are the parents.  Right?  Or maybe I've got it all wrong?  I mean, the amount of toys they get each year is one of the reasons I said that this year I was not buying anything, and I told the kids that.  They understood that the items they were going to get from us this year were all going to be handmade or second hand (like clothes).  And I have to say that it made my heart feel good when my daughter came up to me after they had been playing with their handmade items for awhile, gave me a hug and said 'thank you mommy, I love my presents'.  It really did!  So... after all was said and done, I feel it was worth it. 

But getting there was such a battle!

The Christmas baking... I wanted to bake so many goodies for people!  So very many!  However, the time it takes... I just never got around to about half the things I wanted to make, and almost had to force myself to make some of the things I'd never made before as I was scared of screwing up.  And I did screw up.  I had to restart a recipe completely as I totally messed it up at first.  I was lucky that the ingrediants were the same as that of the next recipe, so it worked out ok in the end.  Didn't prevent me from having a complete and utter cry over it all.

I've been doing that a lot lately.

Just about every day this last week or week and a half I've been sobbing over something.  I've found that I feel dejected.  I feel depressed.  I'm so happy to make things for people, and so glad to make others happy and make them feel loved... but... I feel so dejected myself.  I feel empty.  I feel drained.

I've been trying to figure out what my problem is.  I never had this before.  I've always been happy with anything, satisfied with life as it is, and thrilled to see what I can do to make it better for myself and those around me.  But with how things have been the last few months, the stress has been taking it's toll...

I've been completely drained.  Emotionally and physically... and perhaps even spiritually which is worst of all.

I'm not sure why, but lately I've been feeling lonely.  Forgotten.  As though the only thing that matters in my family to the people around us is my children.  And I love my children!  I'm so glad everyone wants to be around them, and that people love them so much!  I would do anything for them, anything to protect them!  But... I've been feeling forgotten. As though my children are the only reason I'm visited or noticed (not by everyone, thankfully... I just guess that with how busy things are that I don't get visitors often as is).  I feel by one specific person as though I myself am only important for one thing... raising these children.  And I'm glad that I get to raise them!  Really, I am!  I feel so blessed that God has placed them in our lives, and I wouldn't change that for the world!  But I want to be 'me' as well.  I want to be recognized as a person beyond the mom of my children.

And I'd like to know who I am again.

We've been dealing with some massive stress and family drama, and I've been learning about some scary things that are in my husband's family that are putting me into a fight or flight mode.  I am having nightmares on a regular basis due to this.  I am exhausted from it as I haven't been sleeping well at all.  And being exhausted from stress and from an overload of work, not to mention the fact that we haven't been eating as healthy as we usually do, has been taking it's toll.  I've been snapping so quickly lately, and it is making me so upset as I'm mad at myself for it.  I just... I don't know how to fix it.  I'm not sure how to help myself stop stressing.  I'm afraid.  Really... and it has been affecting my family.  My kids are not their usual selves.  I know that the holiday season has done this almost every year.  However, there is more going on this year.  My daughter has started up with lying, and the kids are copying some of my own outbursts in their own way, and it bothers me so much.  I feel like I'm doing something wrong.  I feel terrible.  And I don't know how to change it.

Anyway, the last few years I've felt less and less like Christmas really means what it is meant to.  The first number of years of marriage, Christmas was more fun.  I loved doing the gifts for my husband's family, just as I did for mine.  As the years have gone on, I've been disappointed by their lack of appreciation.  It wasn't what they wanted, it didn't matter that it was homemade, I needed to change something, or they don't eat 'baked goods' (not by everyone, mind you).  And one the worst was that one of the recipients never recieved his gifts.  The baked goods I did one year ended up in my MIL's freezer and we saw them in the barn that summer.  All the candy, the peanut brittle (which I made specifically because I'd heard it was his favorite), she didn't send them later on, she just popped them upstairs in the barn.  The first few years of gifts I made, even though I put them in the box that they shipped to him, they were removed, and he didn't get them.  Another of the siblings actually gave back a gift I had given because he 'didn't want it'.  I gave up.  I don't make gifts for my husband's family anymore.  We tried ticket gifts, and one person never gave.  Recieved, but didn't give.  We tried collaborating on something for our parents, and that same person promised a sum and never gave.  So, this year I only made something for my husband's parents.  I was hoping that they would love it as I put so very much time, effort, and energy into it.  It's a heritage album.  I know they probably appreciate it, and more so when they actually look at it later on, but it was just glanced at and put aside at the gathering.  I feel a bit hurt.  I want to give up.  And... in many ways, I already have.

I guess lately, for the last few years, I've just wished that someone would put the same effort into something for me that I love to put into the things I make others.  My husband's family gives lots of 'stuff', not really thinking about the person they are gifting to.  At least, that is how it feels.  Shirts, or even something like a clock with a moose on it (we don't know why they gave us that... neither of us are into moose, and we have more than enough clocks in our house).  The shirts never fit (I don't know why they always buy me a large or extra large or 1X when I fit a small to medium).  I had to return the shirt they bought me this year because it will not fit.  And I feel terrible for it... because it makes me wonder if I appreciate their gift.  And it makes me wonder why I bother putting all the effort I do into theirs... even though I know it is because I want to, not because I expect the same in return.

This year, I've been feeling this more than ever, wanting almost to give up completely... but my family suprised me this year.

First, my sister and her husband dropped by unexpectedly to give us a card and dash.  In the card was a gift certificate for tickets for two to go to a movie, and the promise that they would babysit for the evening.  Something I have been craving more than anything is more time with my husband, and this gift just made me so happy that they thought of us, that we needed a date night, and that they wanted to help us have one.

My husband had Christmas sneak up on him this year, and so he didn't get me much... but he made me a coupon book with things that we are going to do together later in January... a weekend away from the kids, just the two of us, some time alone without the kids, things like that.  And it is so special, knowing that he heard my cries for time together... and that we will get some of this before the baby is born.

Then there was the Christmas gathering with my family.  My parents have been sick, but my mom and dad made us such a wonderful meal, and had all of us in their house for the night!  There is never a doubt in my mind that my parents love us so much and would do anything to truly help us with whatever we need. 

And then we got to open the presents.

My brother had my ticket this year.  We decided in my family that the gifts we gave had to be at least 30% homemade.  And he made me want to cry. 

He made me a 'family tree'.  The roots have the word 'GOD' 'written' in using the wire.  The heart frame is where the branches start... and in it is me and my husband.  Then there were three other frames... one with a pic of each of our kids, and a sketched one with 'baby' written underneath, haha.  It really is me in so many ways.  I love these pieces of art, but never bought one for myself because I find them expensive and I just cannot justify the money spent... so to recieve something like this...

I almost cried.

I feel a renewed sense of longing to make things again.  I want to see what I can make for people... I want to start early so I have time to put my all into things again... for those I love the most.

My husband... my kids... my parents and siblings... and my friends.

And I want to try new things... I want to learn new ways to make things.  I want to attempt all sorts of things.

And I want to make something for myself.

This is new.  I never really want to make anything for myself.  Maybe it's because I don't think I'm worth it?  I'm not sure.  But I have some things in mind that I want to make now, and I need to learn how in order to do it.  I'm figuring out what I like... I like organic things... things that look homemade.  Perhaps that is why I love making things so much?  Things of wire, wood, stone, metal, cotton.  Things that look artsy... not perfect...

Made with love...

My brother will probably never read this blog.  And even if he started, I'm sure he wouldn't want to read the whole thing (after all, my thoughts are all over the place), but if he did, I'd want him to know that I am so thankful for the heart that he put into this gift for me.  I'd want him to know that he has helped renew my love for Christmas again.  That I am worth it, too.  Because I've spent so much of my energy hoping to make others feel that way, that I've forgotten to feel that way myself.

Thank you, RJ.  Your gift to me has touched my heart this Christmas in so many ways.  And not just the gift itself, but the thought and the time that I can see that you put into it.  I will see it as a reminder, not only of my family which is what you made it for, but of the fact that I am worth having something like this, of feeling worth something, and of being myself, a wife, and a mom.

And may God forever be the roots that hold this family up, just as He has been for the family my parents raised.

Thank you so much to my family.  You have helped renew something in me that I was beginning to lose.  I love you all so very much, and I am so happy to be your daughter and sister.

Office Makeover

Confession: I love to rearrange things.

I need some help. I've decided to tackle the office once again.

My office isn't terrible. Not at all. I just want to make it more functional. I've been doing all my scrapbooking in here now for the past month and I want to make that easier to do. I also wish to bring all my craft supplies into this one area (besides woodworking of course) so that I'll be more willing to DO crafts again. However... Baby M gets into everything! So, I want to make something work that will allow me to sort of barricade it off and yet have a play area for her in this room as well. Something that she will hopefully be able to grow into.


This is currently what my office looks like, and I just changed it on Friday too. I brought up that one shelf wonder to put along the wall there for some of my supplies... as it keeps the desk itself free and clear (which is SO nice). I wish to keep this aspect the same (I cannot really move the desk again, as it will probably fall apart if I do). Now for the hard part. Below is a picture with two different layouts I've been toying with that incorporate two more furniture items that we have in our house in storage. Why not use them?

Option 1 was my original idea, but the more I looked at the room, the more oblong it looked, which seemed weird to me, and the smaller Baby M's play area seemed. So, I fiddled to get Option 2... however I can't barricade it off quite as nicely as option one due to the drawers (or cabinet doors on the desk) being in the way. I do like the L-shaped play area though, as it lends itself to more creativity on my part. I was thinking of doing option 1 for now, and eventually changing it over to 2 when I don't have to barricade her so much (man... do I sound mean or what?).

I'm really excited about this. I found some bins at the Dollarama for $1 each that stack, and they are such fun colors, I want to get a small bookcase for baby M yet in here too, get us some new pillows for our bed and retire the 'old' ones to the area using the bright shams I got for basically nothing, gather up the fun colored blankets I got and spread them around in a hodge-podge way, do something for curtains, paint the walls a bright fun color (I hope to find cheap paint somewhere as I'm sure this will only be temporary anyway), and I saw some cute rugs shaped as leaves that come in a set of 3 for $9 that I want to buy. I wish to block off the 'crawlspace' under the large desk with a metal sheet that will serve to house magnets for some fun as well. How can you tell I'm excited about this?

I can't wait till it's all done... :)

Confession Monday: Observing Lent

My confession... I've never known what Ash Wednesday, or Pancake day were besides strange things written on my calendar every year. And Lent? Didn't know about that either!

I looked at my calendar today and noticed that this week we have Pancake Day (or Shrove Tuesday) and Ash Wednesday. Curious, I decided to look them up. I had no idea these were actually Christian holidays!

According to Wikipedia, Lent is the 40 day period before Easter. It starts with Ash Wednesday. I had not known this before! And the day before that is called Shrove Tuesday, or more commonly known as Pancake day. I decided, why not actually make a pancake supper tomorrow to celebrate? Little tidbit of info on pancake day, apparently in Newfoundland (Canada) it is tradition to bake little things into the pancakes for people to find, each item having it's own little meaning if you were the one to find it in your food. Interesting! I don't think I'll be doing that though, I might choke on something (or my hubby might... we don't want that!).

For some people, it is common to not eat any meat on the Wednesdays and Fridays of lent... except fish. I thought, why not try to do that? I enjoy fish, we could make Wednesdays and Fridays our fish days (or meatless days... I like to do that sometimes too) for the next few weeks leading up to Easter!

Anyway, for the 40 days of Lent it is custom for people to do three things; pray, fast, and give 'alms'.

Prayer is something I like to do daily already, but to find more time for prayer I think I'll have to give up something that consumes a lot of my time as my 'fasting'. I'm strongly considering Facebook... I tend to spend a lot of time on there when I turn on my computer. I'm also thinking of taking and fasting from television the week leading up to Easter... or "Holy Week"... and might stretch that to include the computer as well.

As for the alms... I have a cousin who is going on missions overseas (as part of a worship team... he's a drummer and an awesome one at that) who is having fundraisers coming up... one during this season of lent. Then, I've also been wanting to go on a real good declutter of the house. I can give the things I declutter to non-profit organizations like MCC, or Salvation Army, or a variety of other places in the local area that take items to help those who need (there's another one... I can't remember the name, but they help single moms). I want to give away at least 40 things... one per day.

So, how about you? Have you ever celebrated Lent? Am I the only one out of the loop on this? Are you celebrating this year? If so, leave a comment telling me how you are going to be involved in Lent!

I'm excited! I want to try to do this sort of thing every year!

Confession Monday

Today's confession: I'm a mean mommy.

Yup... mean. My little Marin has the cutest cry, and I just can't help but laugh at her when she does. Isn't that mean? I still take care of her, sure, but her cry is just too cute and funny, the way she screws up her little face and the sounds she makes when she's really sleepy... her little mouth does the funniest little things, and she looks at me with those big blue eyes of hers, and I cannot help but giggle. Although, I have to say, it is nice when she is no longer crying, as her face is super cute when she smiles and makes little faces. Those eyes... I just cannot resist my little Marin!

I think she's gonna have her daddy wrapped around her little finger! ;)

Confession Monday

Ok, so I didn't see a confession monday on Mommy Confessions site today, so I figured I'd make up my own... since it's already been 3 weeks or so since the last one.

My Confession: I hate cooking. Yeah, sounds a bit strange, especially since I have a "cookbook" page and all that. Truth is, I don't care to cook. If I have a plan in place and know what I'm making before hand, it's not so bad. If it involves some new recipe I haven't done before, again not bad. If it means mainly prep work and popping in the oven for an hour, no problem. Problems arise when it's pasta, or just cooking meat on the stove, or standing over the stove in general. It just feels like, why spend all this time standing here stirring something that will be consumed right away and I'll need to do it all over again tomorrow?

Silly way to think about it, considering we need to eat and all. Then there's the other "confession" that overrides this one... being that I'm cheap thrifty, I'd rather make a meal at home than spend money eating out or ordering in. Why does my life have to conflict with itself?

Anyway, I've managed to "solve" this problem lately by putting "make supper" on my to-do lists... including what I will make and freezing portions of it (or making extra to be used in another meal later in the week). So, it makes the cooking seem a bit more worthwhile.

Although... I don't think I want to make another birthday cake to decorate for a very VERY long time... (not only did it take far too much time and effort... it tastes so good I just want to eat it all the time...).

My Confession Mondays

I decided to try something new, called Confession Mondays on Mommy Confessions Mom's blog. Click the pic above for more info... anyway, I loved the idea of "confession Mondays" so I decided to join in the fun!

Today's confession is: Do you have a friend or relative whose spouse or significant other you just can NOT stand? They drive you crazy, make you nuts, would rather gnaw off your own arm than be subjected to any time with them?

I really had to think about that one. There aren't many people that I don't like...

This individual seems to think he is "all that and a bag of chips" (I haven't used that saying in years, lol). He is never at fault for anything, either that or so-and-so did such-and-such which is so much worse than anything he did, so we shouldn't even consider what he did a problem, lol. He will "do you a favor" but there are always strings attached, so if you don't do something he wants just once, he'll hold "the favor" over your head, even to the point of telling you that you owe him cash money in the amount he figures his "favor" was worth. There is so much more that bothers me... but I don't want to focus on that now...

I have tried to like this person... really tried. I just can't! Sigh. I'm still praying for them... and for myself in how I should deal with them.

Anyway, that's my lil "confession". I like last week's so much better, but I saw it after Monday so I didn't do it... sigh.