Birthing Confessions

The New Year is almost upon us!  I can hardly believe how fast 2014 flew by.

Anyone make resolutions?

Mine generally come in list form... complete this list of tasks some time during the year.  My list from January is still on the board... and very few things were checked off.  Things change through the year, and I'm ok with that.  I may still get to those things eventually, but for now, they will wait.

There are more important things to attend to.

My main 'resolution', which really isn't a resolution at all, is to be more prepared this year.  I am much more organized than I was this time last year, but I still find myself not thinking about certain things until the time for them to happen is fast approaching... like labor and delivery.  This week, I have managed to put away our Christmas decorations as part of my preparations... as baby is due in little more than two weeks.  I have washed clothes and diapers and the cradle mattress... we've set up a spot in our 'new' bedroom for the baby, but there is still much to do.  And the things that I need to do are more important than a 'proper bedroom' or a 'clean house' (which is an impossibility in itself, I'm sure other moms of toddlers would agree).  I need to prepare my mind.  My heart.  My family.

I am scared.

There.  I said it.  It seems rather silly, actually... being scared of having a baby.  I mean, come on!  I had 3 babies in the last 6.5 years.  I have had a fantastic pregnancy (seriously... I could not ask for a better pregnancy!  It was the best of all of them so far!).  I am scared of labor.  I am afraid of the pain.  I am actually contemplating an epidural... something I never dreamed of.  Especially since epidurals can actually increase the risk of my uterus not contracting back down to size the way it is meant to.  I'll be honest... I'm not actually sure I want one.  But the thought of that intensity during transition and second stage is, in all honesty, giving me the shakes.  Yes... the shakes.  I get them thinking about it.  So, I am trying to do my best right now to research things I can do to deal with pain naturally.  I am looking at essential oils, massage, music, anything.  And I am praying.  There are so many verses that talk about how this sort of fear is not of God.  It is of Satan.  Satan is trying to steal my joy.  This fear has taken what should be exciting and natural, something that is amazing and powerful, and turning it into something I am dreading.  Something I am wanting to run away from.  Something I feel overwhelmed with.

Perhaps that is a good thing.  After all, what control do I really have over all of this?  None.  None at all.  The only one who has that control is God.  Recognizing that this fear is not from Him, but from the enemy, is one step toward the prayer and heart change I need to realize that I have no control.  That it is all God.  That He is bigger than the situation, bigger than me... bigger than everything and anything I could think of.  He is better at being in control than I would ever be.  And I just need to remember that.

And... I can do this.  I CAN do this.  I CAN. 

(now I sound a bit like the little engine that could)

Prayers and well wishes in the upcoming year! 

Are we ready?

Christmas is here.  Are you 'ready'?

Something I find myself asking myself every year.  Something people say often.  Something we are always wondering.  Are we ready? 

Ready for what, exactly?  Ready for opening presents?  Ready with wrapped gifts, stocking stuffers, planned meals, food, goodies, treats, cards, trimmings and decorations?  What exactly do we mean when we ask ourselves, 'are we ready'?

I wonder if perhaps we are thinking about the wrong things when we think of being ready.  After all, I have been taught that Christmas is not about the presents under the tree.  It isn't about the traditions, the decorations, the tree, the garlands, wreaths, turkey, stuffing, or pie.  No, I was taught that it was a celebration of the birth of our King... our Saviour, Jesus Christ the Lord.  So, when I ask 'am I ready', I should really be looking at the state of my heart rather than the state of my house.  How does my heart look?  Have I prepared my heart and mind for Jesus, filling it with gifts of love for Him, preparing myself to give my all to Him for yet another year?  Am I 'ready' for the things He will be bringing to my life in the coming days/weeks/months/years?  Am I 'ready', am I humbled, am I in awe of the gift that He gave by giving up His divine power, wrapping Himself in the womb of the woman He created, and being born as a helpless baby, completely dependant on a young man and a young woman, both having never had a baby before, both completely inexperienced as parents, both realizing that this child was bigger than even they could possibly hope to imagine?  And all this because He loved me?  A sinner?  A child who hadn't even been born yet?  A seemingly insignificant speck of a person in the grand lifetimes of many who have gone before me, and the many that will come after? 

Am I ready for His outpouring of Love upon this body?  The knowledge of what He did, of what He would yet have to do?  And of what He is doing now?

Am I ready to give the only gift I have to Him who gave me everything?  The only thing I have, which isn't even worthy of Him, but is all He asks of me?  No pretty paper, no gift tag, no sparkle or shine...

Just me.  All of me.

Am I ready for Christmas?  Am I ready to accept that I have a gift to give, one that is not easy to give, one that I try to take back even when I have already given it... one which He patiently and lovingly waits for every day? 

Am I ready to give myself to Him?  Am I ready to give the control I so crave over to Him?

Sure, Christmas is a wonderful time!  It is a celebration of His ultimate gift, of His sacrifice.  Of the promise fulfilled in that tiny baby in a manger, the promise of the Saviour given to God's people after sin entered the world through the first two people God made on this earth.  It is filled with fun, family, gifts, food, and good times with friends.  But what is it really about?  What are we really preparing for?

Am I ready for Christmas?

The Paint is Complete!!

So, I know I didn't post last week, but I was very busy trying to put the finishing touches on our bedroom.  You see, after posting about my son's finished paint in his room, we moved the kids into there (it was quite crowded... all four of us had all of our clothing in the same closet.  No joke) and I did my best to empty out their old bedroom (quite the task, that.  Sorry I didn't take pictures, actually.  Too crazy to think about it).  Well, we moved them, and I was able to paint our room.

 

My mom came over and helped me move the last bit of stuff out on my birthday.  Then we took out the few pieces of baseboard that were there, mudded whatever needed it, and on Friday I washed all the walls and started to prime what was needing primer (I left all the old trim around doors/closets/window and just painted them white).  Saturday, I finished up with primer and started what I thought was paint.  Not paint.  Different primer.  Sigh.  Did a fresh coat of actual white paint later that evening (really late) and then on Sunday I finished up the white paint.  Saturday we went to look at paint mistints and I found a lovely yellow color that happened to match a chip I had pulled out that I liked.  I also found a small can of pink for M's room.  So.. for $20, we had paint.  I painted the walls... one coat Sunday evening, one Monday morning (of the yellow) and then I couldn't decide what color I wanted the feature wall.  Was aiming for a dark brown/reddish color, but since I didn't know for sure, we just used what we already had (which actually matched the carpet pretty nicely and lends itself well to a grey/yellow color scheme).  It turned out quite pretty.  Finished painting 3 coats of that (yeah... weird that it needed 3 coats)... and then had issues.  I washed the carpet before bed... took over an hour.  Found out afterwards that the cleaner didn't have the brushes attached.  Had to start all over again at midnight in order to be able to move our stuff in the next day.

 

I cried.  A lot.  This whole week I've been on waterworks setting.

 

Anyway, Tuesday I cut the baseboards (and made so many rookie mistakes with that too... overtired, I swear) and put them in.  Looks so nice with them in!  We moved our bed and bedside tables (I will need to go over the hallways for paint touch-ups now... it happens), and we left our clothes in Bram's room.  Yes... we kept sharing that closet.  It was weird, that is for sure!

 

 

That corner is where I wish to put the 'baby area'... cradle, the dresser will double as a change table (I have cloth diapers in there already, and washed most of the 0-3 month girls clothes which are in there as well).  I want to move the rocking chair down into the corner as well, and perhaps have a bit of a table there for my devotional area.  We were thinking of having a fireplace by the closet since this room needs a space heater anyway, but I don't think we will be able to fit all that furniture in this room.  Perhaps after the baby is moved into the nursery upstairs...

 

Wednesday I got our old room cleared completely (this is to be M's new room), we moved some more stuff around a bit, and we put in the wall panels (with insulation for sound proofing) in on that side of the room.  Took longer than I thought and I did not get to prime like I wanted to.  Ah well.  Primed the walls that needed it on Thursday... first coat.  Early on Friday I primed second coat.  These pics are after first coat, as I couldn't decide if I wanted to prime the second dark green wall and the doors, or just the wall, or just leave it and have less work to do altogether.  I went with the in between... doors stayed dark, and look fine. 

The first coat of pink I mixed ended up looking like pepto bismol on the wall, so I added a bit of a grey/purple to the mix, made as much as I could, and then tried again.  Barely had enough to cover the walls.  I made my own chalkboard paint (measure 3 Tbsp cornstarch, 1/4 cup water, and then fill till two cups with regular old wall paint and you have chalkboard paint... at least I hope so.).  Made a bit of a darker pink paint for that part.  M loves it.  She is so excited! 

She decorated her room straight away.  Nothing is allowed on the walls until Christmas though, as it needs that long for all the paint to completely dry.  Also, we used our old curtains in here for now.  I'd love to do a grey/pink/black/white thing for fabrics.  Like... black and white or grey and white gingham for curtains (or at least the bottom trim of the curtain) would be pretty.

Yesterday I got the majority of the clothes all moved into their appropriate closets.  Moved a lot of stuff, actually.  Worked myself to exhaustion.  At least now all our clothes are in the right rooms.  You should see how much stuff my husband is getting rid of in his clothes!  We can fit all our stuff into one closet without any trouble (although, my wedding dress and some of my costumes are staying in the walk-in closet in Bram's room regardless.  He doesn't need that much closet space anyway.)

Here is my son's room without his sister's bed in it.  Cozy... but with a huge closet space that I'm hoping to store some of his toys in for playtime as well.

Here is his closet.  It has all the bedding stuffs in there right now, too.  That will change, I'm sure.  And all the clothes in diaper boxes that he will grow into over the years.  And some very empty 'shoe' organizers we use for pants, underwear, etc.

Oh, and as if that all wasn't exciting enough, we now have a new infant car seat that my husband picked up on a sale while it was also a no tax day!  Yay!  Graco seat regularly at $150 around here, plus tax, and we got it for $96. 

And add to the excitement, Monday we put up the Christmas tree with lights and the train (which is very lopsided and needs some fixing... somehow... that bracket does not like to stick to the tree very well).  Today the kids and I finished decorating (they wanted to put up every single ornament we own... after awhile I just started cleaning them up as I do not like the idea of having to put these ornaments away after the season is over).  It looks nice and festive again.  M is so excited!  Today we also wrapped a few of the presents (I have more to wrap, just didn't get to them).  Now to haul the decoration boxes back to the basement...

 

Christmas is coming!  Have you started your advent yet?

Cost breakdown of the two into three room renovation:
 - wall panels - $60
 - 2x4's <$10
 - mud/tape $10
 - hardware/electrical <$5
 - paint $40
 - baseboards/trim $60

Total cost - <$185 (and completed in 4 weeks)
Not bad for a complete redo of bedrooms!  Yay!