I'm Late, I'm Late, For a Very Important Date

Well, no, not really.  But I am so sick and tired of being 5 minutes late for pretty much everything.  And when I know I'll be late and say as much, I'm later still.  Timing on the farm is partly to blame, I know that.  Evening things are almost an impossibility.  I try to steer clear of anything that I'm supposed to be at between 7 and 8pm... which is everything.  Why?  I cannot get there. 

Awana, for example, starts at 7pm.  It took until near the end of the year before we were finally arriving a before 7, and that was likely due to not having ice on the van, or roads, or needing jackets and extra shoes in addition to boots and stuff.  Otherwise we were always 5 minutes late.  Always.  Drove me nuts.  We usually eat supper at 7, and for those days I would make supper for 5:30.  Of course, that means nobody wants to eat (even though I omitted the 4pm snack they were used to having) so they would take forever.  I'd be packing them into their gear by 6:30 (tried for earlier) and then lo and behold 'I have to go potty' or 'I cannot find my bag' (I just got them ready and had them by the door.  I always have them ready by the door.  I'm not sure what possesses my kids to take them and move them to other areas of the house.  BONKERS I tell you), or the baby poops up... again... and we only get into the van at 10 to 7... and it takes 10 minutes to drive.  Sigh.

Here's the thing.  I hate being late.  I find it rude.  So, that means I'm rude, because I'm always late.  I am sick of it.  Doesn't matter if I find I'm consistently 5 minutes late, I'll get up half an hour earlier or make supper half an hour earlier to find that it saved us... get this... two minutes.  Two.  That's it.  We're still late.  The only thing left is to try getting the kids into the van an hour before we need to be somewhere.  I've done it a few times... and guess what.  They get their stuff on and in the van immediately and then we are waiting around for 40 minutes with nothing to do.  And that is NOT something you want to be doing with 4 kids 6 and under.  Nobody wants you to have your kids at their place that early.  Because super early is, in my opinion, as rude as being late.

I've come to the thought process that 5 to 10 minutes early/late isn't a big deal anymore.  Why?  Half the time it's clock difference (I thought I was 10 minutes early for church one day and when seeing the clock saw that I arrived right 'on time' because our clocks were different.  Then there have been times where I thought people would arrive at a certain time only to see that my clocks were now 15minutes fast).  I see it as a grace period of sorts.  I still have a hard time applying it to myself, even though I had no problem applying it to everyone else around me.  5 minutes late?  No big deal!  But  being consistently 5 minutes late myself for just about everything is driving me bonkers.  Bonkers.  I know I need to let it go (and maybe when I do, we'll suddenly be on time for everything... but not likely).

Until then, I will probably be saying no to all the evening invitations we get for everything.  Anything that requires me going by myself without my kids will see similar unless it's ok if I arrive 15-20minutes late (that is always dependant on when my husband comes home because I hardly see the point in packing up all the kids for a babysitter to watch them for 15 minutes or half an hour since EVERYTHING starts at the time my husband usually comes out of the barn).  And honestly, I'm ready to drop everything and say 'screw it, I'm done'.  My reliability meter is in the toilet since I cannot remember things anymore, and even when I write it down, I'll forget to check the calendar some mornings for unknown reasons (I'm usually good with that, except this last month.  Terrible). 

So, I apologize to all my friends for my tardiness.  I apologize for saying we won't be coming to something.  I apologize for not being reliable anymore.  I'm just not.  It isn't you.  I would like to come to so many things to support you (those parties that people have for Tupperware and stuff as an example) because I hate how it feels to invite 30-40 people and have 2 show up with 15 maybes and 5 that cancel last minute.   That is why I come late... because I feel it is better than not coming at all.  If I book a party through you, it is with the knowledge that I will likely not get anywhere with it myself due to aforementioned invitation issues.

I know they say that tardy people are just selfish and rude.  I understand that my tardiness is rude, however I fail to see how it is 'selfish' in every circumstance.  Saying no, for me, is infinitely easier and more selfish that saying 'yes, but I'll be late'.  But hey, we are all selfish by nature.  Ah well.

Super thankful I have nothing to be late for this week.  Last week was truly a bummer.  And a lot of extra laundry (because with babies, 'poop' happens).