Guess what? Monday at 6:51pm, our daughter was born! For the sake of this blog, I'll be calling her A (funny joke, we didn't name her for 2-3 days, and my brother suggested we name her 'A', and the next one 'B'... etc, lol). This is our birth story.
Wednesday, before my due date, I started getting a lot of timeable contractions at 10min apart. They would quit for an hour or so, and start up again, so I knew they weren't the real deal. I had them when sitting, standing, shopping, sleeping... it was ridiculous. They continued through the whole weekend. By Sunday I told my husband I wasn't timing them anymore. I was done. I had been questioning labour for 3-4 days now, and my emotions were a wreck. I spent the day blissfully ignoring contractions, praying that God would just let me know.
Midnight on Sunday/Monday I woke up with another one of those silly untimeable light contractions... which gave me the runs and the shakes all at the same time. We went to the hospital to find out why I had shakes so bad for 20 minutes straight, as I was still shaking when we got in the van and strongly felt something was wrong. My in laws came to watch the kids.
Everything seemed fine, and they checked me and said I was 5 cm. We stayed at the hospital, and hours later was said to be 7 cm. No pain, and I was thrilled. Day shift nurse tried to get me to help these contractions get closer, and later on checked me to find... I was 3 cm, and probably had been there awhile. Baby's head was making measuring difficult. So, we waited a little longer to check once more to see if there was any change. None. Left the hospital around noon. Went home crying. I was so hoping to leave with a baby, and instead I was leaving as having been in false labor... and I didn't go in thinking I was in labor to begin with, just concerned with why I was shaking. I felt a little ridiculous.
After lunch we went for naps and I was having those same stupid contractions. When I woke up they were different... closer. 5 minutes apart and stronger than they had been. Chuck was about to go to the barn, and I told him to wait (it was shortly after 4 when I woke up). Within 15 minutes we figured out this was probably the real deal, and went in... again... this time arriving at 5pm.
I was not allowed to leave the room as the contractions were right on top of each other very quickly. I used the ball, which was nice until they needed to strap me into monitors on the bed yet again. Then they got me the phentanol since anything else could harm the baby at this point. I didn't have it for terribly many contractions... they checked me and I was almost done... only a tiny bit left. I was to lean forward to help that little bit finish quicker.
The doctor came in to check me and found I was ready to push... which I could have said since my body tried pushing already the previous contraction. My water broke then, and with only 6 minutes of pushing, baby was born at 6:51pm, February 25. But my goodness, that was not a fun six minutes for me! I was thinking it would be more like it was with my son where I didn't even have to think about pushing, my body did it all on its own... I had to actually force myself to try to push this time. It was strange.
"You have a beautiful daughter" we were told, and my little girl was placed on my chest for a little bit. She was almost 20inches long, 8lbs, 11oz, and had a head circumference of 35cm. The placenta came out fine, my husband cut the cord, and then the worst thing started. I bled. And I shook. And my husband had to hold our daughter while the nurses called the doctor back in and did everything to stop the bleeding.
All I could do was pray... pray to stop shaking so they could put in the two IVs, the catheter, and some kind of pill... praying that they could stop the bleeding quickly, praying that God would place his hand on me and protect us. He did. Apparently I overheard that they calculated more than 2 L of blood lost. The nurse that went to check came into the room and it sounded as though she thought the numbers she got were wrong. Another nurse had gone to her and I overheard her saying that she got over 2L, but that couldn't be right (she wasn't in the room when all of this had happened). The nurse that went over to her said that sounded very possible. I guess they were suprised I hadn't passed out or something? I was still completely coherent and talking, clenching my fist for the blood test done shortly afterward (more blood? Really?). Thankfully my hemoglobin levels weren't as low as they suspected, so I didn't need a blood transfusion (which is apparently rare in a loss of that amount). I was able to nurse at 8:30. When they took another test 2 days later, my levels were stable.
We stayed in the hospital for 3 nights. The first night I spent flat in bed. They couldn't raise the bed at all either due to the fear of more loss of blood, or of me fainting. I never once felt faint either. That morning they were able to remove the catheter and the needle from the one IV, which had been removed once it was finished at some point during the night. The other IV was also removed that morning. I actually felt a little more myself, but extremely weak and tired. Our little girl didn't have a name yet, and none that we'd picked was something we liked... I told my husband it could wait. I did not feel well enough to try to think about names at the moment. Early morning, the doctor came in and said that my hemoglobin was low. I could either have a blood transfusion, or take iron supplements. I opted for supplements.
My husband left the hospital for some breakfast. Oh... interesting thing... he went home for a bit and found our fridge and fridge freezer not working. It was defrosting. He got someone in to see if it could be fixed, and they found out that someone had turned the dials both completely off. How? When? This is the mystery. Our door had been left unlocked, so my husband suspects someone decided to have some 'fun' on our behalf. Why anyone would do that, I have no clue. Not to mention I had a lot of our freezer meals for when baby had arrived in that freezer. Thankfully, they caught things before they completely defrosted. I figured maybe the dials had been 'brushed' over to zero. They aren't easy to move though, so that makes no sense either. The kids wouldn't be able to reach them, or turn them off either. Just a little... aside... I suppose.
The last night I was actually transferred to a different room that was a regular room outfitted as maternity overflow. I was forgotten, and couldn't ring nurses (I actually had to go out to look for one when our daughter wouldn't stop crying as she wanted milk and mine hadn't come in yet due to all the blood loss... they gave her some formula so I could get some sleep, and my milk came in an hour later, causing the shakes and more runs and everything... I'm guessing my colostrum was getting ready that early monday morning shaking session... as it seemed to follow a bit of a pattern). They had forgotten to tell me how to lock the shared bathroom doors, or where the nurse call button was. The only reason I knew how to adjust my bed was because my son found the buttons at the foot. I didn't know there were side rails or how to raise them until 5am that morning when the nurses I got out of my room to get showed me. They even forgot to bring my iron supplements to my room that day. Apparently, that was a busy night for the maternity ward! I'm not upset at all, it just made my decision to go home a little easier... even though I felt tired and weak, had the shakes randomly, and couldn't hardly walk long, I was still doing everything myself at the hospital, too. At least at home I had my own shower, my own bathroom, and my own comfortable bed.
I finally went home on February 28th, late in the evening. My hemoglobin is low, but the doctor says it is manageable. I'm taking iron supplements and looking into the foods that I can eat to help raise this quicker. I want my energy back.
I cannot take the stairs more than once a day (to go to bed, and then in the morning to come downstairs). My husband is doing so much, and the kids help a lot too. Our little girl is doing well, and slept better since we arrived home than she did the entire time at the hospital. It may also help that our house isn't as dry. It is so nice to be home again. I found out that M has been cleaning in the house when I was gone. She took a cloth and washed the table of the crayon my son had gotten on there, she cleans up the toys when they are done playing with them, and she has been helping me since we got home to get stuff put away, or on the table, whatever she can! It is so sweet. She also loves her baby sister. She's been talking about her nonstop, wants to hold her, and when I have her on the floor, M is there, touching her face and stroking her hands... it is absolutely adorable.
So, now we are home. M keeps reminding me that now there are 3 of them... her, Bram, and A. Bram likes to watch his baby sister on the floor, and if he accidentally drops something nearby, you hear him say 'sorry'. The kids have been real troopers through all this. And my husband has been wonderful. He is doing so much, making most of our food, helping me with diaper changes when he's around, and lifting the baby to me in bed when I find myself struggling to do so myself. I feel really useless right now as I cannot walk much before I'm exhausted. I can read the kids stories, take care of A's basic needs, go on the computer, and nap. I'm in a lot of pain right now as engorgment has hit (seriously, you'd think I wouldn't produce much milk since my hemoglobin is so low). I need to try to work that out soon. It's the same as it was with M. Actually, A reminds me a lot of M in her mannerisms, everything.
I am tired, but I feel so blessed to finally be home again. Thanks for reading (if you managed to make it through it all, haha). It is almost time for breakfast... would you believe it is difficult to get ingrediants out of the fridge to make pancake batter? Pancake batter. Seriously. I can't wait to feel normal again.
And now, in the words of Tigger (whom the kids have had me reading many many stories of lately), T.T.F.N... Ta ta for now!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Whole Healing: Weeks 6-9
I have not been keeping up with this lately. Sorry about that.
Week 6 was about forgiving others. Forgiveness is important in our lives for so many reasons. The Bible talks about forgiveness in many places, and God calls us to forgive, not just because we 'have to' but because it is something we need to do for our own release, our own health. I found this challenge difficult only in the matter that I felt the person didn't deserve forgiveness... but forgiveness isn't earned. It is given. And so, I forgave them. Not because I didn't think they deserved it, or that I could still treat them as though I could trust them again (I have to be wary of this individual for many reasons, for the sake of my family and kids), but because I needed to be released from it all myself. That is what forgiveness is for... the person doing the forgiving.
Week 7 is to believe in healing. I wasn't sure what to make of this one. I've always believed in healing... believed in God's ability to heal us when everyone else said nothing will work. The hardest thing for me is anxiety and anger. These need healing too. So, that was my focus for the week.
Week 8 was anxiety. What a week for that one! I found myself saying the verse over and over this week... Be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. This was the week prior to my due date. I was dealing with anxiety. A lot. And that prayer was repeated constantly, along with praying about the labor and delivery. I was terrified. Have been for ages, just wouldn't admit to myself that it was actually going to happen. But, praying really helped. And when my contractions started on Wednesday... just braxtons, but they continued to happen every 10 minutes until all of a sudden nothing for an hour. They happened during the night or day, whenever they wanted to. It was insane. But, I'd just pray because I didn't know when labor was actually starting, and it didn't feel like labor yet. I was anxious to know. Nothing like not knowing. So, all you can do at that point is pray.
Week 9 is about picking a food item to grow yourself. I am most interested in choosing something like greens or lettuce. I'll have to think about it further... container gardening is something I'm most interested in right now. I have no other gardening spot. Well, that is this week's challenge anyway. I'm glad it's simpler with all that happened this week. I'll post on that later... as well as another update on the 90 day no sugar challenge...
That's all I'll say for now. If you want to see the challenges and all the other posts on this, look here. I'm signing off for now! Have a great weekend, everyone!
Week 6 was about forgiving others. Forgiveness is important in our lives for so many reasons. The Bible talks about forgiveness in many places, and God calls us to forgive, not just because we 'have to' but because it is something we need to do for our own release, our own health. I found this challenge difficult only in the matter that I felt the person didn't deserve forgiveness... but forgiveness isn't earned. It is given. And so, I forgave them. Not because I didn't think they deserved it, or that I could still treat them as though I could trust them again (I have to be wary of this individual for many reasons, for the sake of my family and kids), but because I needed to be released from it all myself. That is what forgiveness is for... the person doing the forgiving.
Week 7 is to believe in healing. I wasn't sure what to make of this one. I've always believed in healing... believed in God's ability to heal us when everyone else said nothing will work. The hardest thing for me is anxiety and anger. These need healing too. So, that was my focus for the week.
Week 8 was anxiety. What a week for that one! I found myself saying the verse over and over this week... Be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. This was the week prior to my due date. I was dealing with anxiety. A lot. And that prayer was repeated constantly, along with praying about the labor and delivery. I was terrified. Have been for ages, just wouldn't admit to myself that it was actually going to happen. But, praying really helped. And when my contractions started on Wednesday... just braxtons, but they continued to happen every 10 minutes until all of a sudden nothing for an hour. They happened during the night or day, whenever they wanted to. It was insane. But, I'd just pray because I didn't know when labor was actually starting, and it didn't feel like labor yet. I was anxious to know. Nothing like not knowing. So, all you can do at that point is pray.
Week 9 is about picking a food item to grow yourself. I am most interested in choosing something like greens or lettuce. I'll have to think about it further... container gardening is something I'm most interested in right now. I have no other gardening spot. Well, that is this week's challenge anyway. I'm glad it's simpler with all that happened this week. I'll post on that later... as well as another update on the 90 day no sugar challenge...
That's all I'll say for now. If you want to see the challenges and all the other posts on this, look here. I'm signing off for now! Have a great weekend, everyone!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Nesting or Renovating... Staying or Moving...
I do not feel like a good person today. Somehow, everything I do makes someone snappy (either me or my husband... and when it's me I feel like a terrible person). Somehow, every decision I make doesn't sit right in my gut. Somehow... everything just feels so wrong. My world is turning upside down, and crying isn't going to fix any of it.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe it's a cry for help... or prayer, or something. I just don't know myself today. I can't do this. I don't feel secure in anything right now. What I have 'known' for so long is being ripped out, and I just don't have the capacity to handle it. I can't make my house work properly for my family, no matter how hard I try. Ideas are made, ideas are lost, new ones are created, and none of them feel right at all. I'm trying so hard to make things work, to reorganize, remix, refigure... but it seems like it's all for naught. I've packed away so many things today that I just don't know what is happening anymore. I have ideas to make my craft room/sewing room work, but I can't get my jigsaw working, I can't get things cut beyond what my small mitre saw can do, and I'm at a loss. I've done a lot in our house to organize things... and I have much more I really want to do, but I can't get there. I'm stuck.
And as for the bedrooms...
We were going to take our bedroom and turn it back into two bedrooms, as it was originally. It would work well, I figure. We put in an easy wall, no drywalling needed, where the wall used to be (difficult to explain here unless I have pics, which I don't, so I won't bother). Needless to say, simple. Probably only $50 cost total. Then we put a door back where the old door used to be. Well, we thought we had a door. Apparently not. Meaning we'd have to buy a door and frame. That's not too pricey for a 28" wide door. I've been reorganizing our bedroom closets, taking down our collections in our bookshelves and putting them all into storage, etc. Then the idea of having the kids share the downstairs spare room as a bedroom came up. That room is huge. Their current room is about 12x10? Maybe? If that? The room they'd move into if ours was split into two would only be a few inches shorter in the one direction, and has a walk in closet. No dresser needed... which brings about a LOT of space in the long run. Still cozy and would work fine. Our room would be a lot smaller, and everything in our current room closets would need removing to make way for our clothes, but it's totally doable, and in my opinion, cozy and nice. Nursery would become the nursery again, and I'd put our rocking chair back in, have everything set up for baby, etc. I liked the idea.
The spare room is huge. 15x15. With a deck door (which is now sealed with plastic as it was not installed correctly and you could feel the cold air coming in... badly... I really thank my parents for sealing that off! It will make a huge difference). The room is cold. It WAS full of 'stuff'' and I used it as my craft/sewing area for awhile. The office was being turned into a compatible space for this (my project that needs a jigsaw, you see, has halted my progress). It is a lovely room... but not for a bedroom. It's right by the front door of the house. It has more windows than any other room in our house (in fact, I'd say total window space is larger than that of the entire second floor all together). It is a living room. Our current living space has NO windows... just a deck door that leads into a workshop... I really do not like the idea of my 2 and 4 year old sharing that huge, cold, room as a bedroom. Not one bit. My parents figure I'd love it in the long run... but I just can't wrap my head around it. But moving us into that room means we'd share a room with the baby for a rather long time. Why? I'm not hiking it up a flight of stairs multiple times a night to nurse. And we found out quick with our son that sharing a room prevents any of us from sleeping through the night. The day we moved him into the same room as our daughter, all of us slept. All of us! And it took us ten months to figure that out.
I just don't know what to do. We're looking at buying a house, but nothing is standing out right now. We've looked at a few places, and while many of them are really nice, none feels right. There was one that did the first time we saw it... and then the second time we looked it just... didn't... something was off about it. Either way, it is still in the back of my mind because of that first viewing, but I just don't know anymore.
I want to trust God in all of this. My husband has been looking around and doing his research in a number of things (when I said I feel our world is turning upside down, I mean it), and I am trying my best to do what we feel God is leading... and yet... I don't know where He is leading us. I feel torn between so many different places right now, and I just don't know. I want to be ready for whatever is thrown our way, but I just don't know how to go about it. Decluttering is one thing we can do I suppose... and the second I start I feel like I must be the worlds worst pack rat. I have a million projects I wish to finish that have been started... and I don't know what to do with them all.
My workshop is now a mess... I cleaned and organized it earlier this month. My basement feels like a disaster (although I know it isn't TOO bad), and I cleared everything out of it a few weeks back before the plumber came in. These are rooms we hardly go into. I just feel like crying, as I can barely keep up with my kitchen, dining room, and office... rooms that need reorganizing and a frequent cleaning multiple times a day to stay sane. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I know, I'm ranting. I feel at a complete loss, though, and I just don't know how to deal. I'm trying to organize my thoughts... and I still feel as though I want to turn our one bedroom into two instead of turning that spare room into a bedroom... but it feels as though renos aren't a good idea, especially if we are looking to move. I just don't know when we'll move. Or even if we will. I feel like God wants me to be ready to stay for awhile yet, but that I'm also supposed to be ready to move at a moment's notice. I just want to cry.
And I'm due in three weeks. And that terrifies me. I'm NOT ready to have this baby!
I just don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable with anything right now. Not at all. And I feel that no matter what I am doing to try to make the situation work, it doesn't work. I know that isn't completely true, but it feels that way. I am not feeling secure. I am not feeling peace. I am not feeling safe. My house is not mine. And it only started to feel that way the last few months.
One really good thing about today though... we removed a lot from the house. It was mostly garbage, things I'd already said would be removed, and recycling, but still. Now if only I could bring myself to sell stuff online through facebook or something, maybe we'd be able to get rid of more.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe it's a cry for help... or prayer, or something. I just don't know myself today. I can't do this. I don't feel secure in anything right now. What I have 'known' for so long is being ripped out, and I just don't have the capacity to handle it. I can't make my house work properly for my family, no matter how hard I try. Ideas are made, ideas are lost, new ones are created, and none of them feel right at all. I'm trying so hard to make things work, to reorganize, remix, refigure... but it seems like it's all for naught. I've packed away so many things today that I just don't know what is happening anymore. I have ideas to make my craft room/sewing room work, but I can't get my jigsaw working, I can't get things cut beyond what my small mitre saw can do, and I'm at a loss. I've done a lot in our house to organize things... and I have much more I really want to do, but I can't get there. I'm stuck.
And as for the bedrooms...
We were going to take our bedroom and turn it back into two bedrooms, as it was originally. It would work well, I figure. We put in an easy wall, no drywalling needed, where the wall used to be (difficult to explain here unless I have pics, which I don't, so I won't bother). Needless to say, simple. Probably only $50 cost total. Then we put a door back where the old door used to be. Well, we thought we had a door. Apparently not. Meaning we'd have to buy a door and frame. That's not too pricey for a 28" wide door. I've been reorganizing our bedroom closets, taking down our collections in our bookshelves and putting them all into storage, etc. Then the idea of having the kids share the downstairs spare room as a bedroom came up. That room is huge. Their current room is about 12x10? Maybe? If that? The room they'd move into if ours was split into two would only be a few inches shorter in the one direction, and has a walk in closet. No dresser needed... which brings about a LOT of space in the long run. Still cozy and would work fine. Our room would be a lot smaller, and everything in our current room closets would need removing to make way for our clothes, but it's totally doable, and in my opinion, cozy and nice. Nursery would become the nursery again, and I'd put our rocking chair back in, have everything set up for baby, etc. I liked the idea.
The spare room is huge. 15x15. With a deck door (which is now sealed with plastic as it was not installed correctly and you could feel the cold air coming in... badly... I really thank my parents for sealing that off! It will make a huge difference). The room is cold. It WAS full of 'stuff'' and I used it as my craft/sewing area for awhile. The office was being turned into a compatible space for this (my project that needs a jigsaw, you see, has halted my progress). It is a lovely room... but not for a bedroom. It's right by the front door of the house. It has more windows than any other room in our house (in fact, I'd say total window space is larger than that of the entire second floor all together). It is a living room. Our current living space has NO windows... just a deck door that leads into a workshop... I really do not like the idea of my 2 and 4 year old sharing that huge, cold, room as a bedroom. Not one bit. My parents figure I'd love it in the long run... but I just can't wrap my head around it. But moving us into that room means we'd share a room with the baby for a rather long time. Why? I'm not hiking it up a flight of stairs multiple times a night to nurse. And we found out quick with our son that sharing a room prevents any of us from sleeping through the night. The day we moved him into the same room as our daughter, all of us slept. All of us! And it took us ten months to figure that out.
I just don't know what to do. We're looking at buying a house, but nothing is standing out right now. We've looked at a few places, and while many of them are really nice, none feels right. There was one that did the first time we saw it... and then the second time we looked it just... didn't... something was off about it. Either way, it is still in the back of my mind because of that first viewing, but I just don't know anymore.
I want to trust God in all of this. My husband has been looking around and doing his research in a number of things (when I said I feel our world is turning upside down, I mean it), and I am trying my best to do what we feel God is leading... and yet... I don't know where He is leading us. I feel torn between so many different places right now, and I just don't know. I want to be ready for whatever is thrown our way, but I just don't know how to go about it. Decluttering is one thing we can do I suppose... and the second I start I feel like I must be the worlds worst pack rat. I have a million projects I wish to finish that have been started... and I don't know what to do with them all.
My workshop is now a mess... I cleaned and organized it earlier this month. My basement feels like a disaster (although I know it isn't TOO bad), and I cleared everything out of it a few weeks back before the plumber came in. These are rooms we hardly go into. I just feel like crying, as I can barely keep up with my kitchen, dining room, and office... rooms that need reorganizing and a frequent cleaning multiple times a day to stay sane. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I know, I'm ranting. I feel at a complete loss, though, and I just don't know how to deal. I'm trying to organize my thoughts... and I still feel as though I want to turn our one bedroom into two instead of turning that spare room into a bedroom... but it feels as though renos aren't a good idea, especially if we are looking to move. I just don't know when we'll move. Or even if we will. I feel like God wants me to be ready to stay for awhile yet, but that I'm also supposed to be ready to move at a moment's notice. I just want to cry.
And I'm due in three weeks. And that terrifies me. I'm NOT ready to have this baby!
I just don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable with anything right now. Not at all. And I feel that no matter what I am doing to try to make the situation work, it doesn't work. I know that isn't completely true, but it feels that way. I am not feeling secure. I am not feeling peace. I am not feeling safe. My house is not mine. And it only started to feel that way the last few months.
One really good thing about today though... we removed a lot from the house. It was mostly garbage, things I'd already said would be removed, and recycling, but still. Now if only I could bring myself to sell stuff online through facebook or something, maybe we'd be able to get rid of more.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Week 5: Read the Label
Week 5 of our Wholly Healing challenge is to read the labels on all our food before buying it. You can find the starting post on it on My Wings are Made of Faith, here.
She also has a lot of really good posts on her blog about food labels, some of the specific ingredients and what their effects are, and items you may not suspect having lots of toxic chemicals in them. I recommend taking a look!
I will honestly say that this week didn't look like it would be much of a challenge for me. I generally read all food labels anyway as I've been trained to do so since my dad could not eat MSG, and I discovered for myself that I also had a low tolerance of that additive. So, we scanned all labels for MSG when shopping since I can remember. I remember reading a book that had a list of names tha MSG would fall under... I don't know the list myself, but at that point I really started to look at food labels closer and just avoided putting things into my cart that had ingredients I didn't recognize, or couldn't pronounce. I even started viewing skin creams and lotions as my eczema was reacting to so many things as well. I can proudly say that I no longer use hand lotion... at all. Instead, we use baby oil (the one that contains nothing more than mineral oil), an eczema specific body butter (with only three ingredients, all of which are natural and non-toxic), and on occasion, avocados, or the skin of a banana peel (no joke... look it up, it can heal all sorts of interesting skin issues).
I'm really looking at 'banning' sun lotion in our house as well, as it contains all sorts of known carcinogens (parabens, anyone?) and the kids will not be getting it on them either. I'll have to find some other forms of protection, I'm sure, but for now drinking lots of water and wearing hats, and sticking to shady areas has helped immensly. Kids vitamins contain garbage as well! It's scary! And all that baby food... I will be making baby food with this baby again. I did it as much as I could bear with the other two. Well, for my son I was at the point of just mashing our foods with a fork instead of doing the whole 'blender' thing. Way easier, and he didn't have any texture issues.
However, this whole 'reading labels' thing means I'm finding even more foods that I am not comfortable getting anymore... and that means making more things in my kitchen. Including the idea of making my own lotions/creams/cleansers/toothpaste/laundry soap... yeah. I'm sort of ok with it if it means only making it once in a long time, and lasts a long time... and costs less. Which it looks like it will for a lot of things. But the time... I am finding less and less time to do things for myself anymore.
I also recently watched a documentary called "Hungry for Change". It's actually really good! I enjoyed watching it, and learning from it. I recommend it! It brings food into perspective. I think the biggest thing I liked about it was it saying that these companies don't actually care about the people they are feeding. All they care about is making money. So they add things to make you an addict to their product, so they can keep you as a customer. There were many other interesting things talked about (like the whole FDA approval and whatnot... I seriously recommend watching this).
Anyway, this leads me back to week one of our challenge... yeah, I'll be updating on that regularly.
I've noticed a number of other changes in my body over the last week or so... things that may have already been happening that I just didn't take any note of at all until now. I don't actually need to use lotion. Usually in winter my skin is so dry, and with how cold things have been, I would suspect that this year would be really bad, but it isn't. I have also noticed my feet look better! Yeah, sounds strange, but it's true. My nails have been growing longer (to the point that I forgot to clip them, and they were so long that one finally broke and I HAD to clip them all). My hair doesn't seem to be benefitting much yet... and I know I should probably change my shampoo/etc. And get a haircut.
Another thing I have noticed... and this one will sound... strange. I don't have gas anymore. Yeah... gross, I know, but I don't! I have heartburn still, but no intestinal distress! It's incredible! I don't think I want to eat sugar again if this is what it means! And I want to change things so we are even healthier in our home... like less flour. But it is not going to be easy.
So, that's the lowdown. The whole food thing is really interesting to me, and I think that eating it in the form God created it in, or at least as close to that form as we can, is best for our bodies! Too bad the rest of the world is so focussed on money to see that they are destroying human bodies by creating 'food like products' that are slowly killing us not only physically, but mentally and emotionally... and spiritually too.
So... I CAN eat these foods, if I wish. But... I don't want to anymore. What a revelation!
She also has a lot of really good posts on her blog about food labels, some of the specific ingredients and what their effects are, and items you may not suspect having lots of toxic chemicals in them. I recommend taking a look!
I will honestly say that this week didn't look like it would be much of a challenge for me. I generally read all food labels anyway as I've been trained to do so since my dad could not eat MSG, and I discovered for myself that I also had a low tolerance of that additive. So, we scanned all labels for MSG when shopping since I can remember. I remember reading a book that had a list of names tha MSG would fall under... I don't know the list myself, but at that point I really started to look at food labels closer and just avoided putting things into my cart that had ingredients I didn't recognize, or couldn't pronounce. I even started viewing skin creams and lotions as my eczema was reacting to so many things as well. I can proudly say that I no longer use hand lotion... at all. Instead, we use baby oil (the one that contains nothing more than mineral oil), an eczema specific body butter (with only three ingredients, all of which are natural and non-toxic), and on occasion, avocados, or the skin of a banana peel (no joke... look it up, it can heal all sorts of interesting skin issues).
I'm really looking at 'banning' sun lotion in our house as well, as it contains all sorts of known carcinogens (parabens, anyone?) and the kids will not be getting it on them either. I'll have to find some other forms of protection, I'm sure, but for now drinking lots of water and wearing hats, and sticking to shady areas has helped immensly. Kids vitamins contain garbage as well! It's scary! And all that baby food... I will be making baby food with this baby again. I did it as much as I could bear with the other two. Well, for my son I was at the point of just mashing our foods with a fork instead of doing the whole 'blender' thing. Way easier, and he didn't have any texture issues.
However, this whole 'reading labels' thing means I'm finding even more foods that I am not comfortable getting anymore... and that means making more things in my kitchen. Including the idea of making my own lotions/creams/cleansers/toothpaste/laundry soap... yeah. I'm sort of ok with it if it means only making it once in a long time, and lasts a long time... and costs less. Which it looks like it will for a lot of things. But the time... I am finding less and less time to do things for myself anymore.
I also recently watched a documentary called "Hungry for Change". It's actually really good! I enjoyed watching it, and learning from it. I recommend it! It brings food into perspective. I think the biggest thing I liked about it was it saying that these companies don't actually care about the people they are feeding. All they care about is making money. So they add things to make you an addict to their product, so they can keep you as a customer. There were many other interesting things talked about (like the whole FDA approval and whatnot... I seriously recommend watching this).
Anyway, this leads me back to week one of our challenge... yeah, I'll be updating on that regularly.
I've noticed a number of other changes in my body over the last week or so... things that may have already been happening that I just didn't take any note of at all until now. I don't actually need to use lotion. Usually in winter my skin is so dry, and with how cold things have been, I would suspect that this year would be really bad, but it isn't. I have also noticed my feet look better! Yeah, sounds strange, but it's true. My nails have been growing longer (to the point that I forgot to clip them, and they were so long that one finally broke and I HAD to clip them all). My hair doesn't seem to be benefitting much yet... and I know I should probably change my shampoo/etc. And get a haircut.
Another thing I have noticed... and this one will sound... strange. I don't have gas anymore. Yeah... gross, I know, but I don't! I have heartburn still, but no intestinal distress! It's incredible! I don't think I want to eat sugar again if this is what it means! And I want to change things so we are even healthier in our home... like less flour. But it is not going to be easy.
So, that's the lowdown. The whole food thing is really interesting to me, and I think that eating it in the form God created it in, or at least as close to that form as we can, is best for our bodies! Too bad the rest of the world is so focussed on money to see that they are destroying human bodies by creating 'food like products' that are slowly killing us not only physically, but mentally and emotionally... and spiritually too.
So... I CAN eat these foods, if I wish. But... I don't want to anymore. What a revelation!
Week 4: Do not Fear
I will recap on the other weeks on my next post about week 5.
Last week (from Jan 21-27) was focusing on letting go of our fears. It took me a lot longer to actually do this one than I'd have liked. I'm not exactly sure why, but I was praying in the beginning of the week for God to reveal my fears to me, and he did.
I used to struggle with fear constantly. I was always afraid of something, mainly letting people down, or not doing well enough at something in particular, not knowing something, looking silly, that sort of thing. I managed to get over much of my fears from my adolescence later on in life, and realized that my fears did not permit me to move forward as I could have, and should have. They held me back. I did not experience the many blessings in certain areas of my life that I could have, due to these fears.
Through God's help, I managed to fight off many of those fears that held me back as I entered university, then marriage, and eventually motherhood.
My greatest fear was of childbirth. It has always been one of the biggest fear issues for me. Well, once you are pregnant, you really have no choice but to go through childbirth, in one form or another. That is the nature of things. I remember when I was pregnant with our daughter, as we grew closer and closer to the due date, the thoughts that went through my mind. I became paralyzed with the fear of labor and delivery. How on EARTH was I to push a 7lb or more baby out? Seriously, it made no sense to me! I know women have been doing this since creation, but it still baffled me. How? And not only the how, but my goodness, the pain stories, the horror stories of things going wrong, the stories stories stories... I was terrified. But each passing day, I was that much closer to discovering it for myself. I finally had a complete mental breakdown one day, acknowledging my fears (finally... I had been pushing them aside for so long thinking I was being silly), and through it all, God told me that He was ultimately in control. It didn't matter if I understood, or if I knew when or how or what or anything. All that mattered was trusting Him to show me what to do, when. Trusting that He made me in this way, and my body would do exactly as it was made to do.
So... I did. I had no choice. And everything worked out fine in the end!
I didn't fear things with my son.
Fear has been coming back to haunt me lately, however. And not just of childbirth. You'd think I'd be fine with things, considering I have two healthy beautiful children already, but I'm not. I'm terrified. I don't know when, I don't know if I'm ready, I'm scared the house isn't prepared, that I will be too tired to do anything after baby is born, etc etc. I'm just... scared. And it is all out of my control. So what can I do? All I can do is trust, and I'm having a hard time with that for some reason.
As if all this wasn't enough, we have other rather huge financial decisions on our laps right now... things that will completely change our future as a family, and the stresses of dealing with that and the decisions we need to make... I am so afraid of making the wrong one. I am afraid of what will happen with a house or a job, everything. Will we be all right? Will we be able to make ends meet? Will our family be better off here or here? God, where are you in all this? Where are You leading us? Which decision is Yours? Through this week, I have discovered that I really do trust that God will lead us to make the best decision, that God's way is the best way... but what I don't trust is myself. Am I hearing Him, or me? How do I know I'm choosing the right way? How CAN I know? I am so confused, and my emotions, the stress of everything, and the chemical changes due to pregnancy aren't helping. I know God's way is best, and I believe that with everything... but I don't know if I am hearing Him, or me. And I don't want to do what I want...
Sounds confusing? Yeah... me too.
So, we pray. And pray. And pray some more. We feel that this path is right, but maybe not right now? So we are preparing for both scenarios... which is not an easy task. Especially with a baby coming. But we are preparing... 'feet fitted with the boots of readiness that comes from the gospel of peace'. As long as we are ready for either-or, and don't get too comfortable with only one choice or the other, I think we'll be OK. Then, when God says 'it's time for you to take this step', and if we've been praying and following Him, we'll know. And we can do it.
I'm just so afraid of missing His call. I don't want to miss it.
So... I need to trust that He will make things known to us in His time. And that is hard somehow for me to do. But I will try, and I will continue to pray that He will make it known to us.
As for my other major fear right now... labour and delivery is inevitable. I don't know when, and I don't know what this one will look like exactly, but I know He is with me, and I know He will help me, just as He always has. So, really, I have nothing to fear. Now if only I could move that head knowledge to the rest of me. It will take time again... but I'm sure it will happen. It always does... just in time.
Last week (from Jan 21-27) was focusing on letting go of our fears. It took me a lot longer to actually do this one than I'd have liked. I'm not exactly sure why, but I was praying in the beginning of the week for God to reveal my fears to me, and he did.
I used to struggle with fear constantly. I was always afraid of something, mainly letting people down, or not doing well enough at something in particular, not knowing something, looking silly, that sort of thing. I managed to get over much of my fears from my adolescence later on in life, and realized that my fears did not permit me to move forward as I could have, and should have. They held me back. I did not experience the many blessings in certain areas of my life that I could have, due to these fears.
Through God's help, I managed to fight off many of those fears that held me back as I entered university, then marriage, and eventually motherhood.
My greatest fear was of childbirth. It has always been one of the biggest fear issues for me. Well, once you are pregnant, you really have no choice but to go through childbirth, in one form or another. That is the nature of things. I remember when I was pregnant with our daughter, as we grew closer and closer to the due date, the thoughts that went through my mind. I became paralyzed with the fear of labor and delivery. How on EARTH was I to push a 7lb or more baby out? Seriously, it made no sense to me! I know women have been doing this since creation, but it still baffled me. How? And not only the how, but my goodness, the pain stories, the horror stories of things going wrong, the stories stories stories... I was terrified. But each passing day, I was that much closer to discovering it for myself. I finally had a complete mental breakdown one day, acknowledging my fears (finally... I had been pushing them aside for so long thinking I was being silly), and through it all, God told me that He was ultimately in control. It didn't matter if I understood, or if I knew when or how or what or anything. All that mattered was trusting Him to show me what to do, when. Trusting that He made me in this way, and my body would do exactly as it was made to do.
So... I did. I had no choice. And everything worked out fine in the end!
I didn't fear things with my son.
Fear has been coming back to haunt me lately, however. And not just of childbirth. You'd think I'd be fine with things, considering I have two healthy beautiful children already, but I'm not. I'm terrified. I don't know when, I don't know if I'm ready, I'm scared the house isn't prepared, that I will be too tired to do anything after baby is born, etc etc. I'm just... scared. And it is all out of my control. So what can I do? All I can do is trust, and I'm having a hard time with that for some reason.
As if all this wasn't enough, we have other rather huge financial decisions on our laps right now... things that will completely change our future as a family, and the stresses of dealing with that and the decisions we need to make... I am so afraid of making the wrong one. I am afraid of what will happen with a house or a job, everything. Will we be all right? Will we be able to make ends meet? Will our family be better off here or here? God, where are you in all this? Where are You leading us? Which decision is Yours? Through this week, I have discovered that I really do trust that God will lead us to make the best decision, that God's way is the best way... but what I don't trust is myself. Am I hearing Him, or me? How do I know I'm choosing the right way? How CAN I know? I am so confused, and my emotions, the stress of everything, and the chemical changes due to pregnancy aren't helping. I know God's way is best, and I believe that with everything... but I don't know if I am hearing Him, or me. And I don't want to do what I want...
Sounds confusing? Yeah... me too.
So, we pray. And pray. And pray some more. We feel that this path is right, but maybe not right now? So we are preparing for both scenarios... which is not an easy task. Especially with a baby coming. But we are preparing... 'feet fitted with the boots of readiness that comes from the gospel of peace'. As long as we are ready for either-or, and don't get too comfortable with only one choice or the other, I think we'll be OK. Then, when God says 'it's time for you to take this step', and if we've been praying and following Him, we'll know. And we can do it.
I'm just so afraid of missing His call. I don't want to miss it.
So... I need to trust that He will make things known to us in His time. And that is hard somehow for me to do. But I will try, and I will continue to pray that He will make it known to us.
As for my other major fear right now... labour and delivery is inevitable. I don't know when, and I don't know what this one will look like exactly, but I know He is with me, and I know He will help me, just as He always has. So, really, I have nothing to fear. Now if only I could move that head knowledge to the rest of me. It will take time again... but I'm sure it will happen. It always does... just in time.
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