Evaluation

I find I need to re-evaluate why I blog... or what I blog about.

When I started this blog, it was more of a way to get my thoughts out there... sort of like journaling for the 21st century.  It was a way for me to see my thoughts out there... somewhere where I would actually read or look at them again.  Or maybe even to get some feedback on things.  I still have a lot of that, I suppose, but lately I've lost the 'joy' of blogging.

I'm not sure why.  Life has a way of taking over.  Lately, whenever I have a spare moment (and no kids climbing all over me or crying for food), I am napping.  If I am on the computer, I generally have someone on my lap, which isn't very conducive to typing up a blog post.  Now, it has started feeling like a job... I'm not sure why.  That said, I probably won't be blogging as much.

I still want to post my last post on Project 365 (I can't believe it's been a whole year!).  I don't think I'll do it again this year (I keep forgetting to take pics with my camera lately.  Life is just too busy I guess), although I hope to continue taking photos regularly.  I have lost the joy in that, too.  Sigh.

I love posting crafts and projects... mainly because I hope to inspire others to save money and have fun getting creative.  Plus... I've always loved crafts!  Always!  Since as far back as I can remember!  I'm still hoping to make a craft book someday, but that day seems far away at this point.

List making is almost a hobby of mine already.  As many of you know, I love lists, and checking things off of them makes me feel good somehow... like I've done something worthwhile (even if it is the same thing I do each and every week).  That said, my list posts will change somewhat.  I think I'll just post challenges, and perhaps my 'extra to do' items... mainly to keep myself accountable as I always do the weekly things... weekly... without a thought.

I think my blog has become boring lately.  It's mainly the same types of posts.  I haven't blogged much since the baby has been born (which is a given, I'm sure), but even before that it was mostly lists and photos.  Which I see as boring.  I love reading all the interesting posts many of you have about your day, or what the kids did, or what you learned in church, or things like that.  And I haven't been able to muster up any kind of post like that lately.  I mean, I guess I have some things, but most of them feel more like I'm complaining about stuff rather than acting the way a child of God is supposed to in building people up, or encouraging others, or talking about the things I've learned and experienced because of Him... I don't know.  I could be wrong.  I am having emotional issues lately, so that could be a part of why I feel the way I do, but I do feel this blog needs a bit of a 'makeover'.  Then again, things could be just honky dory, and I'm just feeling pressure from nobody but myself...

I AM a firstborn, after all.  Everything has to be 'just so'.  ;)

Anyway, I think what I'm trying to say is that I probably won't blog as often... then again, I might.  I really have no idea.  I don't even know what this post is about anymore.  Hmmm... title... Evaluation... right.

What am I evaluating, exactly?  My blog?  My reason for blogging?

I've been finding myself craving approval lately.  I haven't had that for ages.  I really don't know when it started up again, or why, but there it is.  Approval... Man's approval.  Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with man's approval, it's just wrong for me to crave that more than God's... and I think that's the trap I've somehow fallen into as of late.  Man's opinion of me has often steered me towards saying or not saying certain things.  While pregnant, I really didn't care.  Seriously.  I had no qualms of stating my mind and not caring what the next person thought (hmm... not exactly the right way to do things either, is it?  I know I tried to think before I spoke for the most part, but still).  Now, however, I find myself hoping to win people's approval somehow.  Am I a good mom?  Am I successful?  Am I a good wife?  Housekeeper?  Cook?  Person?  Anything?  I haven't been basing these things on what God wants necessarily.  It's been ripping me to shreds (especially since I feel I CAN'T do half the things I should).  I know I'm doing an OK job... I'm no Mary Poppins, but my kids are fed, clothed, and generally happy.  We have a clean house, and while my husband tends to make meals for the most part (fail on my part... wait... I shouldn't judge myself that way... I am usually needing him to do so since I'm usually nursing at that point), we are getting food into our bellies.  So what if it's KD?  It is still food.

But what does God think of me?  Am I living the way God wants me to?  Am I being the mom God wishes for me to be?  Or the wife, friend, sister, daughter, housekeeper, etc.  What is that, exactly?  How do I know what needs to change?  How do I pray for that?

I honestly don't have the answers.  But I hope to find them in the next while.

That said, I think I need to change how I blog... re evaluate some of what and why I am blogging to be sure I am not looking for 'man's approval'.  Not to say I don't love comments either way!  I just need to know that the blog post I am making is not for the sole purpose of 'building myself up' or getting approval from others.

We'll see how it goes.  For now, the kiddos are both napping, and my eyelids are saying I should join them.  And my blog post?  Seems a bit like I was just rambling.  I'm not sure what the point was anymore.  Ah well.  C'est la vie... at least lately.