A 52 Week Journey

Hello, everyone, and welcome to 2013!

I've never been one on New Years Resolutions... not really anyway.  I make 'resolutions' throughout the year.  I am a goal setter, and I very rarely do not meet my goals because I make them such a huge priority, especially if I write them down.

Actually, I sometimes let these goals take over and run my emotional state of being.  I set weekly goals, usually containing something for a much larger goal I wish to accomplish at some point.  However, if I do not complete everything on my weekly list, I am very down on myself.  And even more so now that I'm pregnant.  I am finding I HAVE to make my lists shorter and have easier tasks on them, less physically draining ones, as I am very very exhausted lately.

On January 2nd, in the evening, I was made aware of a 52 week wholly healing journey by a cousin of mine on Facebook.  She didn't bring it to me directly, I just happened across it, and I felt very strongly that this was something I should do.  Not only is this going to focus on physical healing, but emotional, spiritual, and mental healing as well.  The first week was already underway as it started Dec 31... and it started with a 90 day sugar detox.  (Thanks to My Wings are Made of Faith and her blog on healing!)

I looked at it and said... "I need to do this".

Each week we get a download journal to print off and fill out as we go.  I will also be journalling my progress in my regular devotional journal as things happen.  I decided this morning, as we start on our second week challenge, that I would like to keep track of some thoughts and things on my blog as well.  My blog really is all over the place, isn't it?  :)

The first week is officially over now... although the challenge lasts for 90 days, not just 7.  That will be the more difficult part of things, I'm sure... managing to continue.  But I will.  I'm determined.

Want to know how my first week (or should I say, first 4 days) of no sugar went?  Well TOO BAD... you're going to hear about it anyway (hahaha).

Day one wasn't actually as hard as I thought.  I still had a bunch of treats in the cupboard that I'd LOVE to have (mint chocolate is one of my weaknesses... well, mint and chocolate are bad enough by themselves, but together...).  I saw the stuff I wanted... and closed the cabinet door and grabbed a glass of water.  I found myself snacking on carrots with a new dressing I came up with myself (ranch that doesn't include mayo... as mayo has sugar in it), and eating celery with natural peanutbutter (which was easy, seeing as we've switched a lot of these sugary things out over the last four years already for no sugar alternatives).  I've been drinking lots more water (instead of snacking) and eating hardboiled eggs again.  I want to make green smoothies, but we need to purchase spinach for that.  I've also been eating the homemade buns I make as they use honey instead of sugar to make the yeast work.  Otherwise, all the food items that contain sugar, glucose, fructose, glucose solids, honey, etc, I will not eat or put into the meals we eat.  It hasn't been as hard as I thought.  Apparently I've been doing a lot of that already for over a year, and so this challenge looks to be a little easier than I was imagining.  The hardest part is no desserts or sweet snacks.  And I LOVE my desserts.  But that's ok. 

My hardest day was yesturday as it was the first time we were not home all day.  I really wanted to have some of those cookies at the church in the morning.  I found myself grabbing a small piece of jalapeno cheese, not knowing it was as spicy as it was, and guzzled a cup or two of water shortly afterward.  It did still my craving for those cookies though.  I also had to fight my urge to eat the cookies and candies (especially the chocolate mint ones) at my parents house, but I didn't give in!  Yay!  Perhaps I can be strong in this, even while pregnant!

I've noticed some major physical changes in my body since I started this.  Already.  And it's only been 4 days (I'm on day 5).  First, my eczema is so much better!  I can hardly believe how much nicer my hand looks!  It is still itchy at times, but I was expecting it to get worse before it would get better!  Especially with all the sugar I was eating before.  Another is the exhaustion.  I am even more physically depleted of energy than before.  I was actually expecting the opposite... although that will probably take a while before I see that happen.  I am very drained, I can hardly stand at times, and so I reach for some tuna, or a hard boiled egg when that happens.  I am drinking a lot more water, and I've had a cup of tea every evening (in the place of all the sugar I was eating after supper).  I have less heartburn when I drink the peppermint tea in the evening, and I've been sleeping better.  My skin is softer as well, something I wasn't really expecting.  I'm hoping that perhaps the redness in my cheeks (bumps and whatnot, something that has been making me feel super ugly as of late) will clear up in time with all of this as well!  As for the baby... I've been having regular Braxton's as of late.  Especially with cutting out the sugar and drinking the Raspberry and Peppermint teas.  I never really drank tea before this.  I'd have a cup a month if lucky.  So I'm thinking my uterus is prepping early, hopefully making my labor later on less painful and easier?  I can hope, right?

Anyway, I was excited to see what the second week would bring.  You can find the link here.

We are to work on forgiveness.  More specifically, forgiving ourselves.

This is big for me right now.  I've been battling myself the last month, I've been drained both emotionally, and physically, and now realizing that I'm not doing so well spiritually myself.  I want to get closer to God, but I feel incapable of even knowing how.  This 'forgive yourself' thing seems to have opened my eyes a little.  I've been terribly hard on myself the last while.  I'm feeling stressed about not having things ready for baby, and guilty for being so exhausted and napping almost daily instead of working on getting the basement fixed up for storage so we can start reworking the bedrooms upstairs.  I feel guilty that my kids have to still share a bedroom, even after we rework things.  I feel guilt over my own actions in this pregnancy... my breakdowns, my emotions, my physical state of being (example... I would eat whatever sugar I could find in the house, even things I never would normally go for, instead of eating the healthy things I know are better for me and baby).  I feel bad for disconnecting myself from people... including my own husband and kids.

I know that a lot of this is actually related to my exhaustion and hormonal changes as I'm in my third trimester, but I did not remember things being this bad with my other pregnancies.  And I feel that I am not a good mom or wife because of my inability to control my emotions.

I am looking forward to doing the challenge this week.  I'm really hoping to change my emotional state of being as of late, as it has not been a very nice roller coaster ride.  And I'm hoping that these coming weeks will bring with them a better relationship with my spouse and kids as I am able to put things aside emotionally and see things in a more positive light.